Mid-life crisis???

Could I be going through a midlife crisis??  NEVER!  I am way too young to be midlife...or am I?? The last month has had so many changes going on I can hardly tell what I am doing from one day to the next.  I have to keep checking my calendar to see what the heck I am up to for the day.  


Really big change.  I left bedside nursing and changed my work setting to this:

Fixed Wing Flight nurse for AirMed based in Rock Springs.

No I am not moving, just commuting

This will be my work view.  Well, when I'm not crapping my pants trying to keep patients stable up in the air. 

This is a picture I took in February when Al and I were taking off in Salt Lake City to go to Colorado.   Airmed was behind us for take off.  That is my patient care station.  hahah

I applied a year ago to AirMed and the interview made me realize what I really needed to work on to pass the interview.  Not even necessarily to do the job, but to impress upon the team that I could do a great job and work as a team and make decisions best for our patients.  I took my CCRN test and accepted a job in the ER at the U in order to get the experience I need.  Lucky for me all that experience, studying and strong desire to fly paid off and they hired me!  I start this Monday.  NOW, I will spend three months learning a lot of stuff I don't know so I can do my job well.  I can't wait!  I'm a nerd like that.  I like the learning stuff.  That or its my genetically predisposed need to be constantly moving and learning.  (thanks dad and mom!)

The complete downside to that.

Leaving the ER.  A short time there and I have had so much fun.  The people that I have worked with have been so kind and taught me so much!  I usually work at a job until I move onto something else or am just DONE with it. I feel like there were so many more shenanigans to experience!!!  Thanks to everyone who was so awesome!

I also had to say farewell to the SICU.  Luckily Julia (manager) will allow me to pick up extra shifts as needed and I will definitely be doing that.  I am so emotionally and personally involved with the SI that some people are closer to me then family.  I have so much pride in how far I have come as an ICU nurse and how awesome it is to work with such a great crew.  I will miss coding a patient with my besties in the room and we are KICKING ass and taking names.  Not easy to die in that unit.  The only thing that helps a little is that they are going through some major changes and evolving enough that it's like moving on after a great party.  

Who wouldn't want to work with these people??!!

 Of course it's not all a party.  Sometimes we have to get serious!

 

Halloween, I think 2008.  I was charging and Terri Michele made us all nursing hats.  Then we took a picture with our attending sitting on a commode.  Dr. Barton was a good sport!

Then we grabbed Dr. Selzman, but we got him a decent chair.

I think he had been at the hospital maybe a month.  He looks suspicious!

 Marnell left the SICU in December 07, but will never be forgotten.  She was super smart and a blast!

 These are our emergency cardiac med boxes.  We went through three the night before and I was just coming on.  I hope Pharmacist Jeanie sees this and I can tell her.."I didn't open it!"  Kyle should have been proud.  We would break these open when we needed code meds but nothing else and that way we wouldn't break the code cart and charge the patient an extra thousand.  Plus they were easier to keep stocked.

Wasn't the first or the last pair of shoes to be violated in the SICU.  I was always kind of a freak about my shoes and would use shoe covers and all kinds of stuff to try and keep them clean.

 I am pretty sure this is 2007 or early 2008.  Just another great day in the SICU.   Little did I know that they could add a few more machines in the next few years.  Look - it's paper charting!!

 I found this by my computer one day.  Apparently someone wanted to have Jesus be my co-pilot for the day.  I think he's averting his eyes.  Everyone took cover to see if lightening would strike.

 Oh look!  New Bari beds.  Lets see how many nurses we can get in it!!

I was always amazed when they left the chest open.  This one, the tips of my fingers could feel his heart beat.  I know, I'm not wearing gloves.  My hands were super clean!!

 When we first started doing bi-vads it was just so amazing.  Yet again, the surgeons soon added another component to it and later on we were hooked up to this AND an ECMO machine.

In no way shape or form can I forget my Triad of Triads.  Being a charge nurse in the SICU has been a lesson of trial and error when it comes to dealing with critical patients, logistics and SOCIAL politics and boundaries.  After having to send an apology letter and giving many apologies for hurting someones feel goods I came up with my triad.  Because sometimes you have to take the high road and act like the adult.  

I've learned a lot! 

Terri and I share a birthday week.   So I brought us a cake and we had our own party.  

See how we are??

Can you see where I could miss it all?  I have had so much support from my friends there.  When I had bad days as a single mother then Danielle would sense it and make me cry..then she would cry and then Tera would get all mad about why we were crying and she would start crying.  I will appreciate those times forever and so lucky to still have Tera and Danielle counted as friends for life!

Memories of my first patient that was a fresh quadriplegic.  He was fresh off his mission and I just bonded with him.  His family was amazing.  That night I had one of many calls from SLPD about this and that with a particular son.  That night my patients mom and I sat in his room and cried together.  

Becoming so close to a patients family that when she died I think they were comforting me as much as I was comforting them.

Laughing so hard I almost pee'd my pants so many times I can hardly count.  

Watching the miracle that is medicine work.  Sometimes not work.  There is no magical answer it just is what it is.  

Seeing Dr. Vargo's eyes in the OR during an especially tragic situation.  He is the only surgeon that I still get nervous around and I still chase him down and ask him questions.  He's no longer an attending in the SICU, but he's an excellent surgeon there.  He also came to my rescue when a particular CT surgeon decided to give me the smackdown (yelling/swearing) in the dirty utility.  

Sitting in a patients room with David.  She was dying and her family couldn't be there, it was too much for them.  We sat with her so she wouldn't die alone. 

The three circle brain starter.  When you turn three circles around in a room because you have no idea where to start it's all so crazy.

Crashing patient and the surgeon ripped off the ioban and stuck her hand in his chest and held the aorta that was bleeding.  She sat on the bed and we wheeled them both up to emergency surgery.    I always wondered were our dramatic music was at those times. It was just so surreal.   

Talking to Dr. Kimball who I have come to respect so much as a friend and co-worker.  Sometimes we are all just real people with real lives and just need someone who can understand.  Plus I have been in a lot of critical patient situations with him.  After a while when you are with the same doctor, it all becomes smooth and seamless.

Tera across the bed from me in a code.  I have no idea why we have done so many together, but when my patient codes my adrenaline is through the roof and having Tera across from me brings my head back into the game.

Yelling at Dr. Barton.  Not proud, but it was the end of a long frustrating day of trying to get someone to listen to me.   It's ok, he yelled at me too once in a while.  

I can't think of all the highlights and low lights right now.  It makes me think I should start writing them down.  What a great 8 years!

Thank you peeps!

HELLO AIRMED!!  I'm jumping in with both feet and hoping to land safely..every time!!  I can't wait to get to know the crew and learn to be as bad ass as they are.  Because if I ever have to be transported by air they are the people that I want to do it!!!  

Blog on...........

Is the past ever JUST the past???

I know there are many naysayers of Facebook.  "a silly social network and it's nobodies business what I am up to"  Others seem to be proud when they state they aren't on Facebook and never will be.  Like it's some kind of higher road that they are on looking down on you.  I think some are just fearful of it and some just don't care while some don't want to take the time.  I'm lucky, I have a handy dandy laptop that I can be on anywhere and log on and see whats happenin!


The reason I bring up Facebook is because it has given me the opportunity to reconnect with so many old friends and get closer to some family!  My cousins that I would never really get to see or talk to because of distance and life, I can keep up with them here and we can be friends and communicate.  I love it!  It's warm and fuzzy to be able to keep up with family that is so distant.  I am so proud of my cousins and love being in their life, even if it is on a social network.  


Friends.  I can hardly think of a friend I haven't found or hasn't found me.  There hasn't been one bad experience with weirdo's or stalkers.  If I don't know someone who wants to be my friend, then they can't be my friend. If you aren't my friend you can't see much of my profile.  


Last July I received a message from a man that I haven't seen since 1984.  I don't share this with many people, and now I'm sharing with anyone that wants to read this, but when I was 19 I was briefly married for 6 months.  We were young, it didn't work out, no harm no foul.  Of course at the time I was very sad, but I got over it and moved on.  I don't hide the fact I was married, but I don't really feel the need to bring it up either.  Of course Matt knew and I've told my kids.  Well, last July that man I was married to sent me a message.  His name is Rob and I was thrilled to hear from him.  Sure I was heartbroken at the time but it's been 27 years and at this point I was curious to how his life turned out.  Turns out he's a big smarty pants and although his life has had challenges, as has mine, we are both doing just fine.  He is married and happy and so am I .  He has kids, I have kids...it was great to catch up!  We sent a few letters back and forth and then just remained friends on Facebook.  I showed Matt and my kids his picture..which was funny because when I was going through all the boxes in the basement I found our old wedding invitations!!  Hahaha. My kids got a kick out of those too.


Last night was my very last night in the hospital as a bedside nurse.  I was in the ER and I was training another RN and so I was sorta bored, trying to find things to do.  Around 4ish a trauma came in and it was a young man who they think shot himself in the head.  I was in the room, but not really doing much.  Just hanging out in case they needed something and trying to stay out of the way.  I remember the crisis worker picked up his pants and was able to find his phone (what did they do before cellphones???) and wallet and was trying to get the information to call his family.  She mentioned his name.  It was familiar, but that happens all the time.  I was curious, but not certain.  About 15 minutes later the crisis worker was talking about how she could only get a hold of a grandmother and not his parents.  I read the crisis note and my heart SUNK!  I knew the name of Rob's ex-wife and mother of his kids.  This kid had Rob's last name.  It was Rob's son.  My heart just sunk.  I went into the crisis worker and told her.  We looked him up (on facebook) and then looked at a couple of other websites to try and find a number.  She found one and I was there when she called him.  I can't even tell you how that felt.  Knowing that his life was going to change forever.  It certainly puts a different twist on it when you actually know the family.  


After that I ran up to the SICU to take a look at the patients face and sure enough, his chin and mouth was exactly like his dad's.  It was a non survivable head injury and they were stabilizing him for the family to see him and he was also a donor on his drivers license.  I went back downstairs because I didn't know what to do.  I hadn't seen Rob in so many years and even though we reconnected, I didn't want to intrude on such a personal family tragedy.  I wanted to tell him I was so sorry!  Later another crisis worker came and told me they wanted me up there.  


I barely made it up the stairs.  I was ready to cry and faint all at the same time.  When I opened the stairway door there was Rob.  He was so heartbroken.  I gave him a hug and we talked for a minute.  Later I met his wife.  It was so surreal.  Like time had never passed but yet we were adults now.  We had kids the same age.  His son that died was Jake's age.  After I met his wife and turned back to go in the unit I lost it.  Then a sweet nurse brought me tissue and talked to me for a minute.  (sad, I didn't know her and she was working in my unit)  Later I conversed with crisis for a bit and she was very supportive and helpful.  


I watched every parents nightmare happen.  I am just heartsick for Rob and his family.


To my parents, family and friends that were in my life when that marriage took place and ended, I am happy to report that Rob grew up pretty awesome.  He's an analyst at IHC, witty as ever, great writer, still handsome and a great parent and husband.  Goes to show that you really never know who you are marrying and divorcing because time can change everything!  


So hugs your kids today.  You do the best you can as a parent but in the end they are making their own choices.  I love my kids no matter what!  Nothing is better then a hug and "I love you mom" from any of them. I am sorry that Rob's son made that choice and hope those left behind find peace.


So if you are keeping track of my posts, then you will realize that I found the article about my sisters grandkids on my last day of bedside nursing at the U and then watched as my first ex-husband lost his son.  That wasn't all for my day.   After my shift I couldn't find Rob so I went to the bookstore to order my flightsuit (little yeah) and then my old friend Mic called me.  I went home and had a shower and went to breakfast with him.  Matt was in phoenix and nothing feels better after a shitty night then coffee talk with an old friend.  Thanks Mic!  You were just what I needed this morning!  Be safe on the road my friend!


That is my last 24 hours.  It's almost like EVERYTHING is changing.  I'm not nervous, but I'm sad, scared and excited.  I can't stop thinking about the sad things that have gone on in the last day but then I get all excited about my new job.  Hopefully things will settle down a bit in the next week.  I've been teary, but then about 1130 tonight it all broke loose and I had a great cry.  Love those.  My eyes are swollen.  I have an overwhelming gratefulness for my friends, my wonderful husband, my kids and of all the great people that I have known over my lifetime.  


How did I get so lucky??


Blog on.............

Copy, Paste and Post. Because I can!!

An article that I found on KSL.

It's about my niece Stephanie's kids.  We have never seen them.  Ironic eh?  Sad, VERY.

I found this article at work and called my mom. I wanted her to see the pictures of the kids.  This stuff always brings back all those memories about when my sister died and how she was so robbed of raising her kids and seeing her grand kids.  This was the beginning of one of the weirdest 24 hours I've had in a long time.  (see next post)

PS. I saved the pics on my computer!  I'm sure that would chap Stephanie's ass!

MURRAY, Utah — For years, Dave Thacker had been haunted by an experience he had as a young father. At a business conference, he met a man who commented that he was glad his children lived out of state so he wouldn’t have to be bothered by his grandkids.

“When I want to see those brats,” the man had remarked, “I’ll go see them; I don’t want them coming to see me.”

That cold-hearted attitude toward the man’s grandchildren had bothered Dave ever since, and he vowed to become a loving, involved grandfather.

Now, more than 20 years later, Dave has lived up to that vow. He has forged a loving, lasting bond with his grandchildren — and it all started with running errands.

When Dave retired at a relatively early age, he found himself with extra time on his hands. Wanting to give his daughter-in-law a break from her three young children — now ages 7, 4 and 2 — he volunteered to take his grandkids one day a week.

“It is such a help for me as a busy mother,” Stephanie Thacker says, “and the kids look forward to those days with their Papa.”

Two-year-old Collin, left, and 4-year-old Savannah, right, enjoy popsicles at Costco with their Papa Dave.

Dave realized he needed something to do when he was tending the grandkids, so he took them along while he ran errands. At first it was just "Papa Dave" and his second granddaughter, who was 3 years old at the time. A few months later, he felt brave enough to add her little brother, who was just 18 months old. When the oldest grandchild is not in school, she loves to come along.

Dave began taking the grandkids to Costco, and they soon developed a routine. Dave had items he needed to purchase with his shopping list, but first he would take the kids through the areas of the store they liked to see. The rules were, they couldn’t grab the merchandise and they couldn’t start asking for things for him to buy. If they wanted to touch something, Papa had to hand it to them first.

“We’d take a look at girls’ dresses, coats, toys, movies, children’s books, and I’d explain how things were made and where they came from in the world,” Dave says. “That gave me an idea of the children as individuals. I knew what they liked, and I knew their tastes. Sometimes I would go home and tell my wife about an item we could buy them for their birthday.”

After going through the areas the kids wanted to see, Dave found ways to make shopping for his items fun for the kids. When it was time to go in the refrigerated produce room and the children objected because it was too cold, he would say, “Okay, we’ll go fast. Ready? Here we go,” making a game out of it.

Shopping trips may not work for everyone, but the possibilities for creating special moments and outings with grandkids are endless.

When the shopping was over, once in a while when the kids had been especially good and it didn’t interfere with their mother’s plans, they would have lunch at Costco and the kids got to pick what they wanted to eat.

In the ensuing months the kids would say to their grandpa, “Let’s go Papa shopping,” and thus the name was born. He would let them choose which vehicle they wanted to ride in, most often choosing Dave's truck because had a better view from the back seat.

“They liked to drive a certain route, asking to go over the railroad tracks,” Dave says. “Little things like that make it more fun.”

These shopping days at Costco were so successful, soon they ventured out to other stores. Dave would save the weekly grocery shopping until the day he tended, looking for teaching opportunities to make the trip educational.

“Since I buy a lot of fresh produce, we would talk about produce and how good it was for their bodies,” he said. “They loved to go to Harmons because they have the carts that look like little cars the kids could sit in, and they got to drive around while I pushed the cart.”

Naturally, sampling cheese and bread was a favorite pastime for the kids, as was picking out a treat for themselves.

"I would give the 2-year-old an item for his very own, like a bottle of chocolate milk,” Dave said. “He proudly carried it throughout the store, then at checkout he would give it to the checker, she would scan it, then hand it back to him and I would help him put it in the bag. When we got home he couldn’t wait to dig through the grocery bags for his chocolate milk.”

Other days they would go to Walmart where he would let the kids look at the toys and sit on the bikes before he finished his errand. Going to Cabela’s became a real adventure, because they would look at the animal museum portion and feed the fish, then they would go upstairs and have a snack or lunch at the in-store restaurant.

“The kids especially loved the camping section because we camp together as a family,” Dave said. “They made a connection to happy memories spent in the mountains as a family.”

In the springtime they would go to garden centers and nurseries, talking about the different flowers and vegetables. When it was time to plant the geraniums for the front yard, he let them pick out the colors. Returning home, they would help him plant, creating a hobby for the kids and giving them something to do together.

“You wouldn’t think a 3-year-old could help plant,” Dave says, “but she helped me work the soil and pull the weeds as much as a 3-year-old can. And then when the vegetables are ready to be harvested, the grandkids feel special because they helped in the planting.” He planted a row of peas just for them, and the kids would pick them and eat their peas fresh from the garden.

A loving bond has developed between Dave and his grandkids. “It has given me an opportunity to know who they are and they have learned that they can trust me,” he says. If they have a moment in the parking lot before the children are in the car, Dave tells them to touch the side of the car so he can keep track of them, and they mind.

"Papa Dave" has forged a loving, lasting bond with his grandchildren, 2-year-old Collin, 4-year-old Savannah, and 7-year-old Jackie, shown here while on a family trip to Disneyland.

“The 2-year-old never stops touching the car because he understands it’s a dangerous world, he needs to obey, and his Papa will keep him safe,” Dave says.

The kids haven't always behaved perfectly. On one trip early on, the 3- year-old had a near-tantrum in Costco. Papa Dave reminded her of the rules, but when she didn't behave he took her home right away. It was the first and the last time the children ever acted up.

People often stop Dave at the store and strike up a conversation, remarking on how nicely behaved or cute the kids are or how nice it is to see him shopping with his grandkids. Some are even incredulous that he is a male and that he is taking the grandkids on his own, especially when he has more than one child with him.

Remarkably, when the children are together on these trips they never quarrel. They obey, and they understand that grandpa is not there to buy them something. Knowing they weren’t there just for Papa’s errand and that they would get to look at things they were interested in gives them patience to quietly wait while Papa Dave gets his shopping completed. When it’s time to go home to their mother, they don’t argue or put up a fuss to stay longer. They have had a wonderful time, and they know they’ll get to do it all again next week.

These trips have become more than shopping trips; they have become special days spent with their Papa. A simple idea has blossomed into priceless experiences Dave will always cherish, and the children have taught him far more than he has taught them.

Even more importantly, he has learned that what children treasure most are not the things we buy for them, but the time we invest.

Kelly Thacker is a business owner and writer who has just finished her first novel.