That was the beginning of my body self awareness nightmare! I also thought it was caused by Karma because I thought someone looked fat. (SEE...I've always been the follower!)
I can't say that I was pushed too much by magazines ads or TV. I didn't buy 17 magazine as much as I bought Tiger Beat because the BeeGee's were Hot hot hot!!! It was probably aggravated by being in the middle of two sisters. My older sister was extremely competitive and it wasn't until years had passed and a few "ah HA!" moments did I realize I didn't need to be competitive back. I must also state that my sister was 5'6" and I swear she had a very small frame. I was 5'10" and although very thin, I had a medium frame and very large feet! (I'll save that subject for another post).
To discuss everything in the middle would come out like an encyclopedia series. I had years of body love and years of body hate. If you look at pictures of me taken throughout that time you will see that I am mostly a great healthy weight. Unless I'm holding a baby. I gained 27 lbs in one month when I was pregnant. SCORE!
So it comes down to now. I'm 47 years old and I'm about 20lbs over the weight that I love to be. Top that with the fact that I have to be weighed at my new job in December pushes me into yet another diet extravaganza!! I secretly hope to loose the full 20 lbs but i'm more then certain I will be ecstatic with a good 15. Since turning 40 it has been such a struggle to stay at a certain weight and then to loose it is SO painful! What am I going to do when I'm 50?? Should I be saving for plastic surgery?? Maybe I should cut off my kids college money! This is serious folks!
The big problem is, I don't really look fat. Yeah, I have a picture or two of my muffin top gleaming in the sunlight, but overall I am well within the healthy weight range for my height and age. I exercise. The least I exercise a week is only running 6-8 miles. I am always in search of healthy food and alternatives for myself and my family. So what is it?
I can tell you: chocolate, cheese and anything carbohydrate. Add a hefty dose of salt and BOO YAH! I'm excluding vodka, because it is clear and you can't see it. Plus I only have about 1-2 drinks a week and only when my hubby makes them because I am a very lazy drinker.
So I start again. Looking up healthy recipes, logging every calorie burnt and eaten. Making my food intake and exercise a large part of my life, oh yeah. Can you read the excitement in my words. I feel hopeful since things have slowed down in my life a bit. The Ragnar was run and run well, my knee is getting better and we organized the office so I wouldn't go totally batshit crazy.
Work, well that is going to be a challenge. It's hard to pack for 2 days of eating. Then, when we are off for 12 hours I can only think about spending money or eating. Driving back and forth the almost three hours is a chore too. Luckily I have started trying some alternatives that have shed a little ounce of hope on my quest. Instead of eating chocolate, salt and vinegar chips and other delicious gas station assortments, I get me a SO delicious pumpkin spice coffee (ok, half pumpkin spice and half rocket fuel) and listen to a great podcast to keep my mind off food and on the road. Mohrstories has got me giggling lately!
So, good luck to me. I hope that I can knock off about 6 pounds before weigh in time, but since I hate being hungry I guess I'm going to have to get to the gym on a daily basis!
Don't worry, I'm not posting my weight or my progress as some bloggers do. That, my friends, will be a secret between me and flight management!!
I use pics from Ragnar (see last post) because these are the most recent pics and I was insanely bloated.
First pic is me handing off to the most fit person alive! Jen C has had 4 kids and she has abs. People, she has ABS. Abs that you can see. Bitch. The pic of me in the yellow is the very end of the race and I don't look too bad, healthy, but you can see why I want tone it up a skosh.
Of course there is the HIDE it technique. Hahaha.
Beautiful girls!
Blog On..................
