Saturday, September 3, 2011


I keep telling myself that I will keep my thoughts on organized religion off my blog.  I'm now chanting it in my head.  I guess when I say organized religion, I mean the Mormon church.  I wasn't a member of any other church so I can't say much about the others.  

I will keep it brief, even though I'm pretty sure my parents never ever see my blog. There is critical genealogy to do ya know! 

I endorse the freedom to choose.  It's what makes us who we are.  I also endorse consequences for those choices either good or bad.  I just hate the guilt.   The GUILT!!!  Do this or you will never ever see your family after you die!!!!  What does that mean exactly?  It means that you should feel horrid for not throwing your life into your religion at the cost of your family and basic common sense.  

Yeah, I grew up Mormon, married in the temple and all that.  Somewhere in my 30's I was thinking to myself, "Self, what does your religion mean, exactly?".  I couldn't come up with anything good.  When I asked trusted people around me, I didn't get any satisfying answers.  When I questioned specific practices, I was told, "We don't question those things".  WHAT???
The last straw was being ex-communicated by some hard-ass cop/bishop that thought he knew the skinny on my life but was just being led down a path of deceit by a woman that would later go to jail for abusing foster children. 

It took years for Karma to swing around and vindicate me, but it happened and it happened sweet.  I took the high road and didn't give her rumors any justification by trying to "right" it all.  

But that is beside the point.  That was the end.  It was a couple of years of soul searching before that situation  which became the last hammer fall that made the nail square on the coffin of religion.  And to give my ex-husband a little high-five here (he doesn't get many), he was totally accepting of my feelings about religion.  If I didn't want to do it anymore he was OK with that.  Although the divorce and ex-communication happened the same summer, they weren't related.  

I've never been happier.  I feel that I have raised my kids with a strong right and wrong.  I have taken away the guilt and given them ownership of their actions.  Karma is a bitch and they know that they better fill up their Karma bank with good actions and truth in their voice.  They have an open mindedness about love and life that I never had the pleasure of having until I was an adult. 

I have read some stories of people that leave the church and become very bitter and hateful.  Over time I can see how that can happen. It's like seeing the grass is greener on your side and you can't get anyone to come over for a drink.  When I start to become bitter, I really try to break it down to what I am bitter about.  It usually isn't about the religion itself but about the experiences I had in that religion that were bad.  Then I try to think about something good and it evens out.  Some remember the good in experiences and some remember the bad.  I try to think of both sides so I don't spin out of control.

On that note, my entire family is still very religious and active.  Most accept me for who I am as a daughter and sister and some are just crazy.  People can grasp onto religion and that is who they are and they are happiest in that place.  I can appreciate that and even support it.  But I have a blog and that is my AAARrrggggghhhhhh of the day. 

stargate log 903 at 3am.

blog on..........

1 comment:

  1. I'm really sorry this has been your experience. I too hated a lot of things about the lds church for a long time and was very apprehensive About dating Dave because of it. I had to find my own way just as you did. My path led me to the church and your led you away. I have no problems with that. I love the path I'm on and won't make a mockery of my religion because the choices Dave has made that have limited some of his parenting rights. If I did I'd be just like my birth mom and that is the very reason I left the church for years. No matter what life you lead you can't deny that choices have consequences. I love you in whatever life you live and I hope you feel any judgement or guilt from me because I really see you as just another wife, mother, sister doing the best you can. As I am too! ((hugs))