It's a new year!!

Happy New Year!

I brought in the new year the best way possible.  Exhausted from flying around in a helicopter transporting those patients having a really bad day.   I had an awesome pilot and a kick ass medic.  Together we had a pretty great time despite being in the air for over 5 hours.  

But what about everything else?  

I finally have a few minutes to think about it.  If anything I am the master of putting things off.  Even thinking about the new year.  More then resolutions I love to reflect.  I have a lot to reflect on.

2014 - Reflections of a Year Indescribed.

Last year I felt shitty.  Physically I was good but mentally I was a huge mess. (See here) I considered therapy many times but just didn't want to do it.  What I really wanted is just to "let it go" so to say.  The smartest thing I did was allow me to feel.  It is OK when I'm mad or sad or even just depressed.  I did lots and lots of reading and research.  Watched all the documentaries I could find.  Then I was super pissed because MY personal experience with someone who is first a lying sack of shit and second a Transgender gave me negative feelings towards all transpersons and that is not what I'm about.  Being aware is the most important.  I had some bad days where I thought I would be depressed forever. But mostly I was just stuck.  I think I am still, but just a tiny bit.  It's a slow process.  

I bring it up first because I'm waiting for at least one day when I don't think about it.  I did make a great step when I went to his friends house to return his guitar to him through them.  They had moved.  Wow. Weird.  The guitar is in the basement.  Done worrying about it.  I don't know how I'll get it back to him and I'm not caring about it today.  

And ENOUGH about that!  I move forward and I feel SO much better as this year starts and I'm excited about that!

Running - It was an OK year.  Lots of problems with my left leg and lots of visits to my Physical Therapist and Massage Therapist.  Ton's of core work and even lots of running.  I think I found the right shoes and my feet don't hurt at all.  Still working on the leg.  I have 2 HUGE goals for this year.  Ragnar Del Sol Ultra  Relay Race in February and the Ogden Marathon in May.  I've committed to decrease my OT and work more on my running.  Weather and some crazy work days have interfered a bit but overall I think I'll make it!!!  ::Fingers crossed:::

My last run of the year!

Family -   All kids - all amazing.  Sami moved back in to go to nursing schools so for 1 week out of 3 I have 3 kids at home.  It's good.  They are awesome and I love them.  They are working hard and they are such great people.  My parents are suffering the effects of old age and I hate that but they are still doing great.  

My kids are top notch!

My nephew Charlie hanging with me on Christmas Eve.

Work - It's great.  Then it's not.  I'm a little burned out with the ICU but I know it will pass.  Flying is amazing but then I have long weeks of not flying.  Then I have another amazing day of transporting and BOOM!  Love it.  I think that's what a career is about.  The ups and downs.  Helps keep you appreciate of the great days.  

Taking a kid for a bucket list ride.  

Stupid Cancer.

Thumbs up for a great time!

Work fun times and great new friends!

After my last flights of the year I played the game - who got what med.  Then I ate Oreos and I was able to properly think.  

Friends - Have them, love them and without them I would be a huge huge mess!!

My favorite pic with so many great friends!!  

LOVE LOVE LOVE

All the other silly things I love.  My house is still a mess but the office is somewhat done and the basement is in chaos.  It's clean but cluttered.  My house looks like we are in a constant remodel/rearrangement.  We lost Zoe this year but we still have Ted.  He's old and amazing! 


2015

YEAH BUDDY!

I'm excited, really excited!!  A little chunky but I won't let that get me down. 

I don't have any real resolutions.  Just plans.

*Stay on my running schedule

*Try not to get hurt
*Work and get better at what I do
*Organize my house and PURGE all the stupid shit
*Work to stay close to my friends
*Enjoy my new friends
*Watch Breaking Bad from beginning to end
*Ultra Relay
*First Marathon
*BALI in September
*Finish getting shit paid off 
*Go on a date without immediately thinking about ways to keep them separate from my life.  i.e. trust
*Botox - heaven in a needle

Is that enough?  Will it keep me busy until September?  

ANYTHING can happen this year!!!!  ANYTHING!  My options are endless!  I love it and I love the way things are moving along. 

 Classy Attitude.  

hehe

Love my new tattoos

Now the big question.
What am I going to do with this blog?

I don't know.  

Does that help?    

I love writing and I love updating my blog.  I've been doing some amazing things with running and trying new products and I love sharing that.  I've found the best information from my favorite running bloggers.  My heart wants me to write and write often.  To share the failures and even the success's!  Ive had some opportunities to try new products and interact with other bloggers and it just hasn't happened.   That last picture of the dog with the PBR cans was amazing and every time I went to update I saw that pic and thought to myself, "that's awesome" and didn't update.  SO I'll limp it along for a while until I make a real not so half ass commitment.  If anything it will be sort of a diary and I'll have a place to put some of my more complicated thoughts.  

What are some of your most exciting memories of last year?

Whats on the plan for this year?

Blog on................

Blank. Completely Blank.

That is exactly the way my mind feels this morning.  You know that feeling of being so tired your eyes hurt and the idea of doing much more then making coffee is exhausting!  I lost an entire day!  I've been thinking about football all morning.  Guess what...its Monday!

This is not a complaining post at all.  I just took a minute to try and figure out why I wasn't having time to post anything.  Well....if I'm not working, I'm doing core work, running or I'm dead tired.  So here is a picture overload post.  (my favorite!)  

Pretty much takes up a lot of time.

Running:

I am running again.  Not completely pain free but doing my core and leg strengthening exercises are directly related to my pain while running.  Laura gave me a big dose of Graston last time I was there.

Same leg.  Each side.  They lasted almost a week.  It's VERY common to bruise after a Graston technique torture session.  I use the word torture lightly.  It hurts like crazy but it works amazing!  

Laura wants me to keep moving.  So I try and get out every other day and I try to go an hour.  If it hurts I walk.  This way I don't have to hit a certain mileage but just get in an hour of moving. Despite my over abundance of pics I didn't even take one when I ran with my friend Deb!  

Here is my running recap.  Remember I'm doing a lot of walking so I'm slow but I'm moving forward and getting much much better.

9/30 - 3 miles in 34 minutes

10/6 - 5.46 miles in 1 hour

10/10 - 4.12 miles in 1 hour (I didn't do my PT the day before and I was feeling it)

10/12 - 5.23 miles in 1 hour

10/16 - 5 miles in 1 hour

I can't be the only one that wears an outfit twice before washing.  Or can I?

I wish I could have ran more, but life got in the way a few time.

What life?

Work:

I love my job.  Thank god!  It's almost wrong how much I enjoy working.  There has been a lot of overtime lately and I have taken advantage of that.  It's not always this abundant (we are down a couple of flight nurses) so why not? This morning I did some math in my head.  True.  It hurt.  I've been working 60 to 72 hours a week.  Add life, kids and time spent recovering and that's how that happens.  

Working in Rock Springs.  We had an aircraft switch out (maintenance) at the end of our shift so we took our stuff and flew home.  YAH! Buddy!

Yesterday we did some training.

One of my favorite pilots giving the run down to Wasatch Backcountry Rescue dogs and their handlers some FYI on the aircraft and getting in and out.

Dry run with a NEW newbie.  PUPPIES!

This puppy was really stressed out by the helicopter.

 I work with the best people ever!  They make my job just that awesome.

We work with Wasatch Backcountry Rescue to help them train the dogs (and the people) to be able to approach a running aircraft, get in and get out with their 2 handlers.  In a real life scenario we would be picking up a handler and their dog plus all their ski gear and taking them up a mountain where a search and rescue was occurring.  Northern Utah has some of the most amazing snow, skiing and back country.  Unfortunately with snow comes avalanches.  We are also taught by avalanche specialist so that we can have information we need to stay safe.

Yesterday I was in the helicopter as we picked up and transported over 20 dogs.  We landed 28 times.  14 of those were in a pretty dusty area that I got out and help the crews in and out of the running aircraft.  A helicopter crew member needs to be part of the process for safety. I was a out for half of them and my medic stayed out for the other half.  Amazeballs!  I can't lie.  Every dog got quite a bit of love from me.  

After we dropped off a patient at the UofU hospital. 

My job does not suck.

Walking down the hall in Ogden.  I've posted a pic like this before but this time it was dark.  Kinda freaky!

There is something about this picture that says my spirit twin was here.  

LIFE

10 months later I've ordered the prints and put them in frames.

I'm a go-getter!

Decided I was sick of carrying so much shit in my flight suit.  I'm bringing the "nurse purse" back!  Nothing says "I'm ready to party" at a scene flight then a fanny pack!

Seriously?  If I had money I would buy it just for the conversation.  

Wow, that's a big.......chicken??

Unblocked by former friend after a year.  Reblocked by me.

Childish?  yes.  But I love Facebook and I love keeping in touch with friends far away and friends I don't see often.  I don't need to see ANYTHING that is going on with that shitty situation.

New work socks.  They are so comfy I can't stand it!

New annual pass for Millcreek Canyon.  Best 40 bucks spent.  They do a great job keeping it in tip top shape.

Glad I found this gem of a coffee press in my cupboard.  YEAH HOARDING!

The fancy coffee maker behind it has some funky smell to it.  I've tried everything.  I'm going to toss it and get a cheap one.  I had a cheap one for 10 years and it was awesome.  Fancy one...less then 2 years.  LOSER.

Oh crap...I have a massage!  Tough life.

Blog on..........

And I ran...

Remember that song from Flock of Seagulls?  It's been going through my mind lately.  I have no idea why, maybe it's because I actually ran again!  WOOT WOOT!

I really waited this time.  I would do a light jog around my house to make sure my leg was ready and it has taken 3 weeks after my last run to run again.  That being said, it was a slow and heavy run, but I just took my time and worked on my form.  I also ran at work.  EEK!  A lot of folks I work with work out while at work and just have their flight stuff close by.  I'm paranoid.  I don't want to delay or make anyone wait for me.  Plus I was nervous about being all sweaty.  It was a slow day Saturday for all the bases so I gave it a shot.  

I carried my radio with the volume all the way up.  I'm glad it stayed quiet while I ran, it probably would have scared the shit outta me.  Literally.  

I locked my flight suit and all my stuff in a storage we have next to the aircraft. I figured if we were toned out (called) and I was the farthest away I could be there and be dressed in pretty good time. (can you say flight suit over sweaty running clothes?)  I ran around the block.  Around and around until I hit 3 whole miles!!  My legs felt stiff and I felt that horrible feeling of losing some fitness, but it was positive because I think I'm ready to move forward.  Slowly.  I wore my knee tape (scrotee) and my calf compression sleeve.  

It was a beautiful day in Payson.  A thunderstorm had just rolled through.  It felt cool and smelled like rain.

My shadow looks like a GIANT!!  

Our air conditioner needs protection.

Is it just me or does that look cute.  A pilot and our mechanic made it from scraps.  They are so smart!  

In case you may wonder.."why do they have an air conditioner??"   We keep the aircraft either heated or cooled to a certain range of temps.  Better for the aircraft and great for our equipment.  Plus the air conditioner goes in the nurses window which means that when it's hot as crap outside then my seat is cool for about 4.5 seconds.  Yeah!

Friday I go back to my physical therapist.  I'm excited to show her how I've been working hard at my exercises and I can run a little.  I plan a short run in the morning and another one possibly just before my appointment. That way I  am warmed up for my running test on the treadmill.  I'm sure she is going to want to see if my form is causing this pain.  I love doing it too because I have to tuck my shirt into my shorts or capris so she can monitor my hips.  Oh yeah, HOT!!!  

In the MOST exciting news!  My half sleeve tattoo starts tomorrow!  That will be a lot more fun to blog about then running!  Stay tuned......

Blog on.........

Wasatch Back Ragnar

Not a complete post.  And with my luck there will never be one.  I'm lazy, kinda.  But I was tired of pulling up my blog to read my blog friends and seeing my sad 50 year old face.  ;)

This year for Wasatch Back Ragnar we put together a work team from AirMed.  It was awesome.  I got to know some people really really well!  They were the best ever and everyone was involved with everyone that was running!  We had Flight coordinators, flight nurses, flight medics, friends, family and a helicopter mechanic.  We were set.  We were the van you wanted to drive by if you got hurt.  Well, not really.  Unless you were REALLY hurt.  If you were just sorta hurt we would have told you to rub dirt in it.  Except Joe.  He's the one from our van with the highest moral value.  Hahaha

Joe, Roxanne, Ron, Marcie (Captain!), Jay, Kari, Brandon, Eric

Emmaline, Erica, Deb and me.  

My last run!  I can't remember the girls name that ran in with me, but if it wasn't for her that last mile would have sucked.  It was a 9.8 miler that was a steep downhill, with steep uphills and a steep trail downhill with rocks.  Pretty much a deal breaker for me.  So sick of hills.  PTSD from Top of Zion Relay.  Although if I can run the Top of Zion Relay......I can do/run/say ANYTHING!

Next race

Hobbler Half in a week

Guess who's not really ready for that? 

Blog on...........

A most productive week!

It's been a little over a year since my life became sorta topsy turvy when my ex moved out.  For a lot of reasons but this post isn't about him. But there is sure to be more about it...it's just too...odd. This post is about a week that I finally feel like I'm getting my shit together.  It's not completely together but who are we kidding, that will never happen.  It keeps life spicy!!

To start out, I took THREE full days off of any work.  THREE!!! In a row! 

I sure made them productive too!

Monday started out at noon with a long run with this girl!

This is Jill.  I've known her forever at the hospital and we started seeing each other at races.  We started talking about running in Park City and finally were able to get the schedules to sync and the planets aligned and it was a great 11 mile run.  A little slow because we talked talked talked, but it was awesome! Hanging out with Jill is like hanging out with the really smart cool kid that makes you laugh.  A lot.

Running anywhere but in the SLC valley is pretty much what is happening now. Between storms we get an inversion that is a soupy yucky mess of air.  Although I don't have any asthma or health problems I'm not going to chance it by running in basically poisonous air.

Inversion as per freedictionary.com

 Meteorology An atmospheric condition in which the air temperature rises with increasing altitude, holding surface air down and preventing dispersion of pollutants.

I took this picture from our helipad at the UofU Hospital a while ago. I'm taking a picture of downtown, which you can't see because of the inversion.  The hospital sits on the hill so sometimes it's clear of the inversion but the longer we go without a storm the bigger it gets.  The inversion, not the hospital.

Tuesday I took my car in for a good go though.  Like an annual doctor exam my car needed it's "pap and grope".  Over the weekend it did this.

BAM!

No one was harmed in the taking of these pictures but I was going 60 mph.  I don't recommend it.  I'm a skilled iPhone pic taker.

Of course my car situation isn't a subject I like to keep you abreast of.  (teehee - I said breast)  But to recap quickly.

Three years ago I leased an awesome Subaru Legacy.

18 months ago I bought my daughter a Nissan Sentra

14 months ago my ex moved out

12 months ago my daughter was then kicked out (breaking rules!) and I kept the car.

ONE month ago I returned the Subaru. 

I loved that Subaru but with the ex moving out of my house I needed to free up the money for, ya know....a house payment.  

Kapish?

Quiz later.

I took my car into a dealership, which I hate doing, but I had bought an extended warranty on it and I still had 10,000 miles left on the warranty.  Best purchase ever!  I spent 200.00 on 1000.00 worth of repairs.  Now the Nissan is smoothly running the road like it owns it!  I'm hoping for another 100,000 miles out of her!  

While we were down to one car (LaShonda the Honda) I put Daniel to work and did something my daughter thought would never happen.

  The office!  

I gave up the idea of pulling the carpet and painting all the trim to just get shit together.  After I spent a while cleaning out the room with all the crap in it then with Daniels help (thank you son!) we moved the furniture up from downstairs. I didn't have to buy anything new and the bookcase behind the desk is a gift from Austin, my oldest. LOVE!

The next day I cleaned and organized and cleaned the house.

After almost 6 years I have a desk and office that is MINE!  I'm so excited! I'm at the desk right now typing this post.  For years I've been typing on my laptop while sitting on the couch or in bed, but now I can sit at a desk and it's amazing!

 I still have some work to do but it's so much easier with a desk.  As soon as I get my file cabinet in here then I'll be able to file receipts instead of using the old, "throw it in the box" style.  

Here is a picture that was circulating Facebook by AirMed and the University of Utah hospital.

For very strict HIPPA laws I can't talk about the details.

A nurse on one of our other teams took the picture.

I'm in the trauma bay at the U.

It will stand out as one of the most tender moments of my career.  I'm not much of a toucher when it comes to patients.  Because I've seen so much tragedy, death, dismemberment and sadness I have a different view of life that some may construe as a hard heart.  I say a lot of, "Buck up buckaroo, life could be worse".  

This day my patient just wanted to be held, by me.

It was an honor.

All in all an awesome week!  I didn't blog, obviously.  But I still have a few half written posts that I hope will get posted soon.  I mean...I have a desk and everything!

Blog on.............

Stress. Is it a fracture, condition or mental tension

Good news.  I have my Ragnar post down to 30 pics!  It's the best to tell a story via picture anyway.   Unfortunately this is not that post.  

*************insert excuses because I work way too much**************

Even I'm getting sick of hearing about it.  It's true, we know it, we live with it.

Today was what I believe culminated into one of the most stressful days I've had in a very long time.  When I say it culminated I'm saying that the past 3 weeks have been interesting at best and have seem to have come with a POP of new stress for me.  I will address them in the coming weeks. Sensitivity (although I'm struggling with it) and that intention makes the timing not my own but someone else.  

ALSO

There is no secret that flight nursing can be stressful.  On my drive home from my meetings today I decided that my body has a comfort level with certain baseline of stress/adrenaline.  It would have to.  Most health care workers that work in a critical environment with lots of death, dismemberment and heartbreak have to have a resistance to some stress or we would all have break downs.  My job takes me from "I'm so bored I'm gonna die (drama queen!)" to "eff me! eff me! eff me running with a chainsaw!"  

That doesn't mean I'm saying that out loud or even faux swearing.  I believe in going big or going home and unfortunately for some around me that means I talk like a sailor when I'm stressed.  When I'm on a scene call or in an outside facility setting that sailor uses it's inside voice.   This whole ramble about my inside and outside voices was just to accentuate what happens on some calls.  Granted most of my calls are pretty straightforward and we have wonderful policies and procedures in place that my experience as an ICU nurse and flight nurse kick in and I'm good.  I'm on task and using my big girl brain cells to do my job.  

Then there is the once in a while flight that you get that makes you reconsider every decision you have ever made since you were born.  Every patient is different and there is no way to cover every possible scenario.  But when I have life's stress that have nothing to do with my job then go to work and end up sticking my fingers in someones chest or working with my medic to make decisions that can mean life or death then it adds up.  It also adds some distraction, excitement and almost giddiness to actually doing it and doing it successfully.  

So with all this vague crap that I can't go into, which is annoying to me too, and a few weird and stressful experiences at work and then my yearly "hey, your heart sucks" **echo then I was feeling a little DONE. 

BUT YET!  I am not done.  Today I had to present a very difficult flight to my team.  Stand up in front of everyone and tell them what I did right and wrong and lessons learned.  I had the best medic ever, Matt Black - and he was a rock star and came to help out.  (He was on the flight)  

By the time they got to us I had napped, laughed, cried and slipped into a short coma.  The presentation went well.  I have a great team and I really feel that they weren't criticizing at all, but we all learn by asking questions and from other peoples experiences.  The presentation felt great but for the love of God I was glad it was over!   

The ride home was filled with thoughts about decreasing my stress and handling this little blip in my life. Luckily I made a very good choice.  I decided that for all my hard work I will reward myself with a nap and some hydration.  (water!  nerd.)

Funny thing.  I came home and jumped in my jammies, had a snack and made the nap a reality.  

My bed in nap mode.  I always nap in my favorite blanket on top of the bed. 

Later, when I woke up, I washed my face, ate and went back to bed but this time for the night.

I can't be the only one that does this.  If I am then I like to think I'm a trend setter.  

Physical exercises helps a lot.  But I would love to tag a pinata once in a while.  The only downfall would be the fact that there has to be a stick/bat available to hit it. Things could go wrong.....very wrong.

On the most positive!  

New glasses are on order!  Any day now!  The sunglasses are RayBan and they will be prescription.  The other glasses are a flexible titanium (KACHING!) but will be great for wearing while I work and under helmets and head phones.  

Dealing with stress is very individual.  I've tried desperately to not be eating my feelings as much as I really want to.   Running is amazing and being physically exhausted in a good way is relaxing.  I'm so very grateful for my kids, my friends and I am so lucky to have a beautiful warm house to live in. I'm in no way on the slippery slope of a breakdown.  I'm just blowing off some steam and giving myself a little leeway.  A little pampering and concentrating on staying healthy.  

Other tips for stress relief:   I look at silly things on Tumblr and youtube.  

Tumblr kills me it's so hilarious!  Gifs of Cats slapping the crap out of various people, animals and things or riding on Roomba's are keeping me sane!

Tee hee

**long standing condition, but I took video and pics this time!  I'll explain later...I know, I know.   I don't mean to be a tease...or do I??  

Do you have any special ways of handling stress?

Napping - in the covers or outside?

Avoiding stress eating?  Is there a special technique?

Blog on.............