Bruce Jenner and that whole thing...

I didn't plan on watching the Bruce Jenner interview with Diane Sawyer.  I just happened to work the night before and spending my usual lazy day in bed post night shift I saw that it was on the schedule.  I had to watch.  I need to see how others handle it when a trusted loved one reveals such news.  

If you don't know why then refer back to this post:

Why can't I be mad

There are three parts if your really bored!!

The best news ever!  While I watched it, I realized I was just thinking in the same way I was BEFORE.  Before I was lied to and fraudulently treated by my ex husband.    YEAH!!!

What does that mean?  Well, I feel like it's been forever and I'm sure my friends and loved ones are probably thinking, "get over it".  I know I have wanted to move on forever!  Everyday I'm closer but lets face it, it's a slow go and I will never be the same.  But there is one thing that I am finally getting past.  The link between my ex, the anger and transgender.  

Lets face it, I'm not mad about the transgender issue and my ex.  I'm mad because of how and when he told me and the actions that preceded and followed.  I'm not going to get into it because I think it gives them life and power but it had nothing to do with the actual act of transitioning.  

I watched Bruce Jenner and I had the type of thoughts I had before.  

-He's (She's) not hurting anyone, let him be happy.

-He (She) should be able to be themselves.

And on and on and on.

In the last 10 minutes of the program I was thrilled.  There is hope for my angry confused and jacked up past couple of years.  I want to be back to that soul that accepted people as they are.  

Like I heard tonight, "If they are a good person before transitioning they will be a good person after".  Bruce Jenner tried to be honest to his spouses.  He was also struggling in a time that was SO far away from accepting differences along with being in the limelight.  

Most poignant is all the "I'm sorry" he said.  It's OK to be sorry that someone is hurt, even if your intentions are true.  

So maybe I can put this life experience aside and start judging people at face value.   hehehe

It's not like I'm going to TOTALLY change!

Blog on.......

Next blog I think I'll chit chat about running and trying to run this Marathon next month. AHHHHHH!!!!!

It's a new year!!

Happy New Year!

I brought in the new year the best way possible.  Exhausted from flying around in a helicopter transporting those patients having a really bad day.   I had an awesome pilot and a kick ass medic.  Together we had a pretty great time despite being in the air for over 5 hours.  

But what about everything else?  

I finally have a few minutes to think about it.  If anything I am the master of putting things off.  Even thinking about the new year.  More then resolutions I love to reflect.  I have a lot to reflect on.

2014 - Reflections of a Year Indescribed.

Last year I felt shitty.  Physically I was good but mentally I was a huge mess. (See here) I considered therapy many times but just didn't want to do it.  What I really wanted is just to "let it go" so to say.  The smartest thing I did was allow me to feel.  It is OK when I'm mad or sad or even just depressed.  I did lots and lots of reading and research.  Watched all the documentaries I could find.  Then I was super pissed because MY personal experience with someone who is first a lying sack of shit and second a Transgender gave me negative feelings towards all transpersons and that is not what I'm about.  Being aware is the most important.  I had some bad days where I thought I would be depressed forever. But mostly I was just stuck.  I think I am still, but just a tiny bit.  It's a slow process.  

I bring it up first because I'm waiting for at least one day when I don't think about it.  I did make a great step when I went to his friends house to return his guitar to him through them.  They had moved.  Wow. Weird.  The guitar is in the basement.  Done worrying about it.  I don't know how I'll get it back to him and I'm not caring about it today.  

And ENOUGH about that!  I move forward and I feel SO much better as this year starts and I'm excited about that!

Running - It was an OK year.  Lots of problems with my left leg and lots of visits to my Physical Therapist and Massage Therapist.  Ton's of core work and even lots of running.  I think I found the right shoes and my feet don't hurt at all.  Still working on the leg.  I have 2 HUGE goals for this year.  Ragnar Del Sol Ultra  Relay Race in February and the Ogden Marathon in May.  I've committed to decrease my OT and work more on my running.  Weather and some crazy work days have interfered a bit but overall I think I'll make it!!!  ::Fingers crossed:::

My last run of the year!

Family -   All kids - all amazing.  Sami moved back in to go to nursing schools so for 1 week out of 3 I have 3 kids at home.  It's good.  They are awesome and I love them.  They are working hard and they are such great people.  My parents are suffering the effects of old age and I hate that but they are still doing great.  

My kids are top notch!

My nephew Charlie hanging with me on Christmas Eve.

Work - It's great.  Then it's not.  I'm a little burned out with the ICU but I know it will pass.  Flying is amazing but then I have long weeks of not flying.  Then I have another amazing day of transporting and BOOM!  Love it.  I think that's what a career is about.  The ups and downs.  Helps keep you appreciate of the great days.  

Taking a kid for a bucket list ride.  

Stupid Cancer.

Thumbs up for a great time!

Work fun times and great new friends!

After my last flights of the year I played the game - who got what med.  Then I ate Oreos and I was able to properly think.  

Friends - Have them, love them and without them I would be a huge huge mess!!

My favorite pic with so many great friends!!  

LOVE LOVE LOVE

All the other silly things I love.  My house is still a mess but the office is somewhat done and the basement is in chaos.  It's clean but cluttered.  My house looks like we are in a constant remodel/rearrangement.  We lost Zoe this year but we still have Ted.  He's old and amazing! 


2015

YEAH BUDDY!

I'm excited, really excited!!  A little chunky but I won't let that get me down. 

I don't have any real resolutions.  Just plans.

*Stay on my running schedule

*Try not to get hurt
*Work and get better at what I do
*Organize my house and PURGE all the stupid shit
*Work to stay close to my friends
*Enjoy my new friends
*Watch Breaking Bad from beginning to end
*Ultra Relay
*First Marathon
*BALI in September
*Finish getting shit paid off 
*Go on a date without immediately thinking about ways to keep them separate from my life.  i.e. trust
*Botox - heaven in a needle

Is that enough?  Will it keep me busy until September?  

ANYTHING can happen this year!!!!  ANYTHING!  My options are endless!  I love it and I love the way things are moving along. 

 Classy Attitude.  

hehe

Love my new tattoos

Now the big question.
What am I going to do with this blog?

I don't know.  

Does that help?    

I love writing and I love updating my blog.  I've been doing some amazing things with running and trying new products and I love sharing that.  I've found the best information from my favorite running bloggers.  My heart wants me to write and write often.  To share the failures and even the success's!  Ive had some opportunities to try new products and interact with other bloggers and it just hasn't happened.   That last picture of the dog with the PBR cans was amazing and every time I went to update I saw that pic and thought to myself, "that's awesome" and didn't update.  SO I'll limp it along for a while until I make a real not so half ass commitment.  If anything it will be sort of a diary and I'll have a place to put some of my more complicated thoughts.  

What are some of your most exciting memories of last year?

Whats on the plan for this year?

Blog on................