The cloud is lifted.

Soooo....I went to Bali.  And Borneo.  I left the last day of August and returned September 16th.  Truthfully I was very nervous about going.  I get a little nervous whenever I leave for an extended period of time but this trip was half way around the world.  In a country I've never been to.  What if they don't have phones? or INTERNET??   I'm just a little bit kidding.  I wanted to stay in touch with my kids and make sure all was well at home.  

Before I left I was dealing with some pretty big stressors.  Work was really at the top of my list with some things going on that I didn't agree with and I felt unappreciated at best.  I had a few calls throughout the summer that were pretty stressful.  The ones you don't forget.  Sometimes it builds up when you are making life and death decisions and have so much responsibility.  

My most irritating stressor was my last marriage.  It's like a freakin broken record.  I just stopped talking about it with anyone because I was sick of hearing it myself.  I was tired of getting super anxious when I had to go somewhere that I knew he frequented.  I was still so angry about his lies and the lack of accountability.  Tired of being hurt that I lost a friend.  It was all bundled into this mass of stress that was making it difficult to be who I wanted to be. I felt broken. I never really wanted to go out.  I started taking my Ativan more regularly the day I found out about the lies and almost 2 years later I was still on it daily.  I needed to find some control.  I needed a break.  

This trip was the best thing I've done for myself in many years.  It was a life changing trip.  No joke.  I have thought many times why it turned out to be so amazing. I keep coming back to these 3 things.


1.  Our hostess and trip planner, Carol.  Carol has a passion and respect for the people and the islands that is infectious.  Just seeing the twinkle in her eye and the big smile as she travels around and talks to people and sees amazing stuff is awesome.  Adding Tracey made a threesome that ended up giggling late into the night and days upon days of laughter and love.  

In Taiwan waiting for our connecting flight to Bali.  Had to try out the selfie stick.  I never really mastered it. 

Carol was such a trooper with all my pictures/selfies/groupies.

2.  The Healer.  We went to a Balinese Healer.  We each had an hour and we each had completely different experiences.  We were all affected deeply.  When I walked in the first thing she told me is that I was beautiful but that I had a cloud over me.  (That's where I get the cloud reference)  We talked about the big things that have been bothering me.  She gave me some awesome advice and then she did some healing thing that involved aligning my chakras.  I laid on a massage table, closed my eyes and she did stuff with her hands and healing stones.  It was very interesting.  

3. The Island.  I felt like I was getting energy and strength everyday I was on vacation.  Either from the Ocean, the little girls dancing, delicious food and even seeing all the wild animals.  Every day was a gift.  A gift of strength and time that helped me to re-align myself, my "cloud" and definitely my chakras!  

Sunset.

The ocean in Tulamben, by far the most peaceful part of the trip. 

So grateful to be able to see wild animals in their habitat.

No words.

I'll just let Carol and Tracey giggle.

Coming home was painful.  I was with the best women ever, all day, every day and then we separated to go our different ways.  I was also back home.  Away from the part of the world that I grew to love immensely.  It took a good 24 hours but I pulled it together and was able to function.  

Since being home I have never felt more calm and less stressed.  Even when stressful things come up I feel like I can handle it so much better.  Before I left I had had to take an Ativan every night so I could sleep and not go crazy in my head and now I don't need them.  I've been wanting to go off of them on a regular basis but just couldn't seem to wean myself down.  I keep them around in case I have an anxiety attack but I feel like I have a lot more control.  I'm really finding happiness within.  Happy with myself.  It doesn't hurt that for 17 days I had my girls telling me I was awesome.  Carol and Tracey have been my cheerleaders.  I hope I can be the same for them.  

That is some serious stuff.  Luckily I have A LOT of pictures that can show that not only did we enjoy that trip and see cool stuff it was, hands down, off the charts FUN!  

I'm still going through them and I'm going to share my days on vacation in the next couple of weeks.  Light myself a little incense and share my experiences.  Keeping the cloud lifted and the chakras aligned!!

Blog on............

Thoughts.

Post Relay day one thoughts.

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Of course mine was an Ultra Relay...not the relay where you run the 33.3 miles all at once.  I took breaks..in a van...sitting, without sleep  ;)

Did I train?

I seriously got my ass kicked on the last leg.  My legs did not want to go.  I was exhausted.  Not sure how to train for the heat but the hills were killer too.  I needed another month of intense speed and hill training. 

Things I've considered:

Becoming a non-runner

Applying for disability

Checking into an assisted living facility

Laying in bed for a couple of days.


My body rebelled.  

I'm swollen from head to toe.  Uncomfortably so.
Still exhausted.
Headache. 
The last leg was so hot and there was so much walking and uphills that I ended up trashing a couple of toe nails.  BIG blisters.  Reminded me of my feet after Ragnar Napa.  Not as bad but close.  Painful trip home.  My running around shoes were a little tight on my swollen feet.  

NOT MY FEET

But a couple of toes had blisters under the nail.  I made that one mistake where you don't trim your nails for a long time.   Yep.  This picture makes me feel better.  So does a 22 G sterile needle.  

All pretty normal for me after such a stressful run.  I will give my body rest.  

Fat wings.  Those things on your arms.  I had to glide the shit out of them and I still have a rash.  I wore shorts the last leg...yeah...see above.  I used Glide and Ruby's lube so no rash there.  

I felt pretty.

I can't complain.  Jeffrey ran farther and bigger legs then I and he has MS.  He is an animal!

Heather is here helping Jeffrey cool down.  When he stops running he can have seizure like movements.  Scares the shit out of the people around us but someone is always there to catch him and get him cooled down.  

He's amazing

There was nausea, paleness, exhaustion.  My poor team all had some challenges.  We used a lot of Zofran.  Tons of water, ibuprofen and attempted to get in as many good calories as possible.  The exception was Heather.  She is marathon trained and was our beacon of health and badassery.

So I'm not going to stop running (well, maybe for a week) and the things I learned are immense.  We are all pretty sick of Ragnar's and this race was exponentially worse then it was the last time we ran it. (4 bathrooms at the exchanges?)  The saddest thing about that is I can't figure out how to get my favorite people in a van for a couple days and have a blast.  Need to come up with some sort of adventure.  

I didn't take too many pictures with my phone but I'll download the pics I took with my new camera and collect some pics from my friends and do a proper race recap.  

In the meantime I'm watching "My 600 lb life" with a patient that is non compliant and blames everyone else.  In the meantime she lays in bed and bosses everyone around and cries.  I'm not 600 lbs but I'm doing a great impression.  "Daniel, can you buy me ice cream?".  

Gifts are accepted.  

Don't stare at my medal.  

Blog on..................

My favorite things: Tattoo

I can't even begin to express how great this trip was!  Of course, now that I am home all the fun realities of work, home, laundry etc is still waiting for me.  Absolutely worth it.  

My favorite souvenir from my trip is this:

Tattoo by: Lindsey Carmichael

Shop:  Wooster Street Social Club

Yep,  I went to the filming site of NY Ink.  I took Kaylyn with me the first time on an "adventure".  She pushed me to go in and talk to them.  I talked to Lee Rodriguez who was AWESOME and told him I would be in the next day.  I wanted to make sure I had enough money and all my ideas together.  

Kaylyn (black jacket) giving really good instructions to some "non-natives".  They asked me but....yeah.

More on my adventure with Kaylyn in another post.

(Can you tell I'm not going to do them in order??)

The next day was a big rainy day so I skipped my run and found a great breakfast place.  It's called Vive la Crepe!

BRILLIANT!

 This is an omelet cooked in a crepe that I can eat from my hand.  Good thing they don't have a restaurant here like that.  I would be a crepe-a-holic. 

***** 

I jumped on the subway after that and made my way to SOHO, where the tattoo shop is.  I considered getting a pedicure.  Decided I didn't want to.  So I have a few toenails missing.  I'm a runner.  Deal.  Like Lindsey said, "don't apologize for that".  Can he be my best friend?

When I got to Wooster Street I talked to Lee again and found out that an artist named Lindsey was going to do my tattoo.  I had researched Lee because I thought he was going to do it, but I figured it's a pretty reputable shop and Lindsey was probably pretty good.  Oh dear lord I know so very little about the tattoo world.  Lindsey is AMAZING!  He was actually a guest tattoo artist from California.  I had about an hour to wait.  Lee told me I could wait or come back in an hour.  I had to wait.  I wanted to take in the sights and sounds plus I was tired.  

Hanging out.  

Watched a few people come in and talk to Lee.  The fire marshall came in and checked the fire extinguishers.  A couple of people had a small tattoo done. I heard some awesome conversations with people about cover ups and getting tattoos on hands, neck and ears.  Apparently they are very popular now but they have a really poor healing outcome.  Then people want them touched up.  Interesting.  I'm like a tattoo savant now.  (KIDDING!)

Bathroom spray.

Luckily I didn't need it, but I think it's hilarious.

I met Lindsey and I showed him the 3 pictures that I wanted as ideas for the one tattoo.  He took about 45 minutes to draw it up. 

It was perfect.

I wish I had a picture taken with him.  I didn't even think about it.  The experience was seriously like hanging with old friends.

Here are a couple that I grabbed from the internet.  You can always follow him on Instagram.  And yes, he posted my tattoo on there.  BAM!

The good news is that I got a few crotch shots of him when I took pics of my tattoo.  Totally unintended....I mean, come on!

I'm not going to lie.  Hurt like hell.  

I was scolded more then once or 10 times.  He would hit a nerve and my foot was flinch.  I felt sorta bad about it but I did try my best.

I stared at this wall A LOT.  Tried to concentrate on anything that would help.  I ended up sitting up and watching him tattoo.  That was his suggestion.  He was awesome.  Funny too.  He was also OCD like me.  Perfect.

Break while he gets the colors together.

My toes and foot have ink on them.  I do NOT have hairy toes.  ;)

See my shoes in the right hand corner?  I threw them over there and he had to straighten them out because he couldn't stand having them piled up.  Bingo!  If he wasn't married already...

But then again, this sweet single eye candy was working next to us.

(more internet pics)

 credit

credit

YOUR WELCOME!

And that is my tattoo story.

blog on..............

Follow up.....and chaos

I let the blog from yesterday sink in and if you commented on it or even read it I thank you.  Sometimes I just have to say something, or write it in this case and I feel mucho bettero.  (yeah, that's spanish...)

You may know, but this is what I do for a living:

I steal flight suits and stand in front of medical helicopters for my selfies. 

Where did I get those sun glasses and where are they now?

I'm a flight nurse.  It can be stressful.  How does that stress play into my anxiety?  When I first started as an LPN on a medical surgical floor I had one anxiety attack.  Since then, as my skills and knowledge increase anxiety attacks associated at work are basically nil.  Let me clarify - they are nil when it comes to patient care.  Regular job stressors and inter-personal relationships make me more anxious then the job itself.  Getting the flight nurse job is one of the hardest things I've ever done. 

As far as anxiety with a critical patient?  Nope.  I do not have anxiety attacks at all.  Do I feel a little scared/anxious and nervous that I will do the right thing every time?  Pretty much every time.  The two feelings are so different I can't even explain. Maybe that's why I work way too much lately.  During my job it's all about the unknown and I feel absolutely in control of myself.  My heart does race sometimes but after 2.5 years my hands don't shake and I can talk without sounding like a total idiot (most of the time).  So if you are unfortunate enough to see my as my transport patient then relax...I am!  

My normal...is my normal.

Here is what is happening now.

(I promise I have a couple of actual running posts coming up)

I'm packing for New York City.

It's total chaos.  I have a table in my office to throw my "trip" things on.

Why?

First, I am running the Cape Cod Ragnar Relay.  Yes, another relay.  Most of my team is made up of people that I have met as strangers and have become great friends with over the course of 30 hours in a van together. 

I also still have one opening in Van 1.  Email me if your interested.

After the race I'm taking the train into New York City and staying for FIVE days!!  I will be alone but I have a few friends that I want to see and I have a schedule of awesome things to do.  I call it my #EPLtour2014

Never read the book or saw the movie.  It's my "after a bad relationship" trip.  It's not 3 years in Europe but 5 days in my favorite city ever! 

I'll do some delicious eating!

I have plans to do some deep contemplation

(I'm not one to pray)

I will do me some awesome LOVING...of the city!

I plan to have a full report with lots of pics as I go on this 10 day adventure.  In the meantime, trying to pack for 10 days (including a relay race) is certainly a challenge!!  

I'm not sure if this will stick but here are a couple pics that I saw today that make me laugh.  A Lot!

My son's DL picture.

He told me he was wearing a beanie and this is how his hair looked when he took it off.  My late mother in law use to say, "you look like you smelt a wolf".

Word.

Because friends are awesome!

Blog on.............

Let it snow..

The perfect race at the perfect time!

Two weeks ago me and 3 of my good friends climbed into a car and traveled down to St. George for a 50 mile - 5 man relay.  When we signed up we thought that going to St. George in December would be fantastic!  Warm weather and sunny skies would be a great change from the cold dreary Salt Lake weather.  

Well, we were wrong.  But just about the weather.  The weather report called for cold in the 30's with a chance of snow.  WHAT?  SNOW?  In St. George?  Crazy.  Let's just say that we learned that St. George only has ONE snow plow and that most/all people do not even have a snow shovel.  That's how much it snows in St. George.  Well mother nature picked the perfect weekend...well, not really. 

My team members included Tera, her husband Jason, Jen Q., me and Laura.  Laura was the wife of an attorney that works for Jason.  We were happy to have a 5th but a little worried we might be..ahh..a tad bit offensive to her.  When we are all together there just isn't any taboo subject which we are well aware isn't every one's cup of tea. 

We were prepared for the cold, we brought everything we had to keep us warm.  The morning of the race we picked up our #5.  Well Laura turned out to be absolutely perfect and HILARIOUS!!  I swear she was Jen Q's spirit sister!  They had the same sense of humor, said the same things and when they laughed they squeaked the same.  The team was awesome, funny and more then anything my laughing muscles were as sore as my running muscles.  Did I mention that the three other girls had asthma (exercise induced)?  There were inhalers all over the place!

Jason and his 4 running gals. 

Our original "outfit" was to be bright yellow shirts.  Yeah, they are there.  

Ready, set..go

Go JEN GO!

Hi FIVE girls!

No slap bracelet here!

Another exchange and the snow is starting to GO.

I love this picture.  Tera is reconsidering the weather and the fact she is going to have to run in the snow.  Plus she is worried about her stinky (Jason).

My first leg (I only had two) and off I go.

Yeah, it was a trail of packed snow.  What this picture doesn't reflect is the blowing snow.  I had a bunch of snow on the side of my head on the left side.  I was a little cold but my vest kept my core warm and I wasn't hot, which is most important.

Yeah, I'm waving!

Woot Woot!

The run actually felt great and I ran it much faster then I thought I would.  9:40 min/miles and in the blowing snow on a trail that was ROLLING. Which means I would climb up and steep hill and run down a very steep hill.  

What I wore.

The temp was 30 degrees. (2 degrees warmer then Salt Lake!) I wore my warm lined Nike long running pants that have taken me through at least 4 winters.  They have a water proof area on the front of the thigh so they never get wet and they are lined so they are toasty!  I had on my usual block and tackle running bra and a short sleeve bright yellow shirt.  Over that I wore a Lululemon long sleeve (Ice Addict LS). The same one I wore on my Thanksgiving snow run. Of course I bought it last year so they don't even have any Ice Addict shirts.  

Running in Idaho.

Over all that I had on this vest.

I bought it at Kohls.

It has been my favorite vest all winter!  I wear it over regular clothes for extra warmth and I've worn it over running clothes on a few cold weather runs and it keeps the core warm and is easy to run in.  Plus I got it on sale PLUS 20% off.  Yeah.  Score. 

I also wore a thin running hat and some running gloves.  I have to say that I really dialed in the cold weather running outfit.  If it was a longer run I may have worried about covering what little of my ankles were exposed and had a neck warmer on that I could pull up over my mouth if I was too cold.  

Back to the race.

Jen takes off!  I ran down Snow Canyon so it was super cold and snowy and it warmed up a touch when we got closer to the city again.  

This is the shit that goes on while I suffer during my second run.

Get a few dorks at the state line and shenanigans will happen!

I was suppose to tap the sign.  Yeah right.  I really don't need my feet soaking wet.  Even though they were a touch moist. 

Before this pic was taken I was running around puddles and ice and basically hell for runner conditions.  After this pic I ran on a road that had a great shoulder and no snow or ice.  I hit the "I'm super tired" stage at about mile 5 but luckily I just had a mile to go.   Much slower, around 10:30 min/miles.  Total miles around 13.  Boom.  

All done!  

I don't have a pic from the finish but we did finish!  Had a blast too!

After we dropped off Laura and went back to the condo and we all had hot showers and went to dinner.

In the elevator.  HAHA!

The snow outside the condo.  Nothing is shoveled because why would they have a snow shovel??  It was definitely an experience getting to the restaurant, but mostly because we were watching other cars all over the place.  There is a technique to driving in the snow and it's not "gunning" it up a hill.  Thankfully we had Jason's 4 wheel drive and he did great!  But I'd lie if we didn't have a few laughs on the way. 

This was a perfect get away weekend.  I was able to be with wonderful people that are great friends and have a good time.  I love getting back to regular life and being a regular single gal in her 40's.  Right.

Thanks again for every one's support!  The whole transgender husband thing is getting less and less an issue every day but only because of all the love!  

What is your trick to running in cold weather?

Next big race?

Blog on.........

PS.  YES, I'm still going to put up the Vegas Ragnar Post.  I was just...ahhh....distracted a bit.  

Boise Famous Taters Run

Last year when I first ran with my friend Susan's sister and met her mom, I was invited to the Idaho potato run.  I couldn't do it last May, but this May I put it on the calendar and I was determined to go even if I didn't run.  What can I say, Paul and Susan are a blast to hang out with and what is wrong with a mini vaca?? 

Luckily I felt my foot was well enough to weather a 5K and so I signed up.  The 5 K started 3 hours after the half and full marathons.  Paul was running his first half marathon. 



So we headed over there to cheer him in before our race.

The weather was amazing! 

This guy even stopped by during his obviously serious fishing expedition.  Either that or he confused fishing with racing?

Ain't nothin but a thing.

Slaughtered my PR.  He's always been a much faster runner then I am.  This was his first and in his words, "It wasn't that hard".

The secret is out.  Once your in the zone over 3 miles, 13 isn't too hard.  Although it's a lot harder for me then it is for him.  Not a sip of water or an energy....shithead.

Then it was the girls turn.  You would think that we planned our ensemble's. We didn't at all but we all wore pink tops (well, mine was more salmon), black bottoms and shoes with pink on them.  That is some great taste in running outfits. 

Paul has some pics of Suze and I running in, so I'll post those later. 

I did catch Lesa.  She has just started the addiction called running and did AWESOME!

I love it when races have the computers so you can tell what's up after you finish.  I thought I did excellent for my first race back.  The first of the race was a cluster of what feels like a million people trying to squeeze through a 2 foot space.  I kept my HR between 158-160 and was able to just run at a relaxing pace no problem. 

I wish it would have quenched my thirst for running, but it only made it worse.  I'm off my foot for a few days to see how it does, but it is a little sore.

After racing, Susan and Lesa have Mimosa's to celebrate!  BOOM!  It's a win win situation and they were delicious.  We all showered, I napped and then we hit the big town of Boise.  If you are ever in Boise, go to Rick's Press Box. 

It's actually in Meridian and the guy from "Diners, Drive ins and Dives" has been there.  The food is amazing, presentation beautiful and the prices are reasonable. 

Paul and I

Is this bottle wine? water?  WHAT? 

They give you a sharpie at the end of the meal and you can sign the wall.

Lesa

Tim

Paul

Braggin

I went high.  Of course I put, BOOM!

Thanks so much to Lesa and Tim.  Next time I'll be better at pictures and have a decent pic of them both.  Tim was the best support guy, driving us around to the starts, taking pictures and holding our stuff.  They were such wonderful hosts and I feel like I could stay there for weeks!  Such a beautiful home and good food.  The cookies were crazy good and I ate like a naughty sugar garbage gut eater for 2 days.  I couldn't help it.  COOKIES!

THANK YOU Paul and Susan for hauling me up there and letting me be your 3rd/5th wheel.  It was a blast!

Looking at the race maps, I really want to do the half marathon next year.    Such a beautiful area to run and a well managed race.  The best is being able to go up with my friends and see my new friends and get first class accomodations!

Do you feel like the experience is a lot more fun then the race when your with friends?

Blog on.............