Thoughts.

Post Relay day one thoughts.

\

Of course mine was an Ultra Relay...not the relay where you run the 33.3 miles all at once.  I took breaks..in a van...sitting, without sleep  ;)

Did I train?

I seriously got my ass kicked on the last leg.  My legs did not want to go.  I was exhausted.  Not sure how to train for the heat but the hills were killer too.  I needed another month of intense speed and hill training. 

Things I've considered:

Becoming a non-runner

Applying for disability

Checking into an assisted living facility

Laying in bed for a couple of days.


My body rebelled.  

I'm swollen from head to toe.  Uncomfortably so.
Still exhausted.
Headache. 
The last leg was so hot and there was so much walking and uphills that I ended up trashing a couple of toe nails.  BIG blisters.  Reminded me of my feet after Ragnar Napa.  Not as bad but close.  Painful trip home.  My running around shoes were a little tight on my swollen feet.  

NOT MY FEET

But a couple of toes had blisters under the nail.  I made that one mistake where you don't trim your nails for a long time.   Yep.  This picture makes me feel better.  So does a 22 G sterile needle.  

All pretty normal for me after such a stressful run.  I will give my body rest.  

Fat wings.  Those things on your arms.  I had to glide the shit out of them and I still have a rash.  I wore shorts the last leg...yeah...see above.  I used Glide and Ruby's lube so no rash there.  

I felt pretty.

I can't complain.  Jeffrey ran farther and bigger legs then I and he has MS.  He is an animal!

Heather is here helping Jeffrey cool down.  When he stops running he can have seizure like movements.  Scares the shit out of the people around us but someone is always there to catch him and get him cooled down.  

He's amazing

There was nausea, paleness, exhaustion.  My poor team all had some challenges.  We used a lot of Zofran.  Tons of water, ibuprofen and attempted to get in as many good calories as possible.  The exception was Heather.  She is marathon trained and was our beacon of health and badassery.

So I'm not going to stop running (well, maybe for a week) and the things I learned are immense.  We are all pretty sick of Ragnar's and this race was exponentially worse then it was the last time we ran it. (4 bathrooms at the exchanges?)  The saddest thing about that is I can't figure out how to get my favorite people in a van for a couple days and have a blast.  Need to come up with some sort of adventure.  

I didn't take too many pictures with my phone but I'll download the pics I took with my new camera and collect some pics from my friends and do a proper race recap.  

In the meantime I'm watching "My 600 lb life" with a patient that is non compliant and blames everyone else.  In the meantime she lays in bed and bosses everyone around and cries.  I'm not 600 lbs but I'm doing a great impression.  "Daniel, can you buy me ice cream?".  

Gifts are accepted.  

Don't stare at my medal.  

Blog on..................

I deserve a treat

About every 16-18 months I get a Breast MRI.  This was my 3rd.  My last one resulting in a biopsy, that was negative.  I don't know the results of this one yet.  

Breast MRI

Definition

By Mayo Clinic Staff

A breast MRI captures multiple images of your breast. Breast MRI images are combined, using a computer, to generate detailed pictures.Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) of the breast — or breast MRI — is a test used to detect breast cancer and other abnormalities in the breast.

Breast MRI usually is performed after you have a biopsy that's positive for cancer, and your doctor needs more information about the extent of the disease. In certain situations, such as for women with high risk of breast cancer, breast MRI may be used with mammograms as a screening tool for detecting breast cancer.

So why?  I have a strong family history.  My sister died of breast cancer in 2003 at the age of 44.  I have already lived 6 years longer then she did.  It's very humbling.  My mom has had it also and is doing great.  My theory is not if but when I get it.  I don't live in fear but I am proactive to detect early.  I'm always checking myself.  If you don't, then learn.  It's easy.  Before you jump in the shower or in the shower and before you know it it becomes a no brainer.  

The only picture I have of her right now.  I am in the process of switching laptops.

Here is the contraption you lay on with your boobies hanging down through the holes.

Kind of like this.

It takes 30 minutes.   I ran that morning and premedicated with some anti anxiety medicine.  I still feel like I was hyperventilating.  And you can't move at all. You can't even take deep breaths.   That's why I deserved a treat!

And they were delicious!

Yes, I was driving the Shaggin Wagon.  My car went in on Wednesday and it wasn't done going to be done until Monday.

I can't remember how long the results take to come back.  You know what they say, no news is good news.  I can't have any positive results during this training anyway.  

What is your favorite treat?

Cancer - do you get or plan to get mammograms?

Blog on...........

Truth

Extremely difficult life changes are difficult on the ole blog.  I have had so much to write.  Unfortunately I spend too much time in my head.  It's a dark spot but it's getting so much lighter...


I decided that I'd post a few family pics for now.
Because I can.
And I love these little freaks.

Blog on friends.........blog on.

Ode to Zoe...

On Monday March 11th our sweet Zoe died.  

She was fine in the morning when I got home after a 24 hour shift.  I went to run at Liberty park that day and when I was done Daniel called and told me that something wasn't right.  She was stumbling around and really weak.  He had already called the Vet.  I was so proud of him.  He waited for me to rush home and we picked her up and drove her to our vet.  By the time we got there she was almost unconscious.  We knew we were on borrowed time already but having to make that decision was heartbreaking.  When I asked Daniel what we should do he said, "I just wish this wasn't happening".  There was nothing else to do.  I didn't want to take her home to suffer and I didn't want any tests done on her.  There was nothing I was going to do anyway.  So we had her put down.  Awful and miserable.  Lots of tears!  

Zoe was born Lady Zoee Lacee on October 11, 1999.  She was initially raised by a family with small kids.  When they had twins, one of them was allergic.  I found Zoe in the ads of KSL.  We adopted her March of 2001. Her name was Lacy and we named her Zoe before we even saw her papers.  She was a perfect fit for us!  I needed her!  With my kids going with their dad every other weekend and some summers, I needed something to keep me grounded and responsible.  

She peed on this bed.

We bought her a coat that she hated.

Cuddling with Daniel.  One of my favorite pictures.

Jake and Zoe

Sami and Zoe

2001

I couldn't find a picture of Austin or me with her when she was younger.  I'm sure they are in a box somewhere.  

It's funny because she came from a family with toddlers but she hated toddlers and jumped on them to push them over.  We kept her away from them except my nephew Charlie.  He loved Zoe and would laugh when she would try to jump on him and then chase her.

These pictures are in the last few years.  

Jake playing with her and Sami smooching her.  

Zoe owned the couches and insisted on moving the pillows where SHE wanted them and then sleeping.  

In 2008 we adopted Ted who joined her in play and shenanigans.  Notice her on the chair?  If you sat in her chair she would stare at you to try to get you out.  She was a smart dog and we were sure she was the one telling Ted to get dishes out of the sink and bread off the counter.  

She was also a scavenger.  I called her the bottom feeder.  Especially in the last few months she has been under my feet tripping me as she waits for me to drop ANY food.  She was pretty much deaf and almost blind so she couldn't dance around my feet like she use too and by the end of the day I was sure someone was going to get hurt.  

We were also pretty sure that she KNEW she was smarter and better then us.  She was kind of a bitch, but the kind you could love endlessly! 

When we discovered that she had lost control of her bladder on the couch just before she died we are positive she did that as her last "Eff you".  Because that is the way she rolled.  I guess you could say we were soul mates.

This picture was taken by my kids dad the day before she died.  Getting loves and smooches to the end.  Zoe was with the kids from the time they were little.  We were devastated.

Good bye Zoe!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Spending Thanksgiving with my family at the cabin. There is nothing better then being with people who have to love you.  

Great time!

I went for a run this morning.  I haven't ran in over a week. I've worked way to much and I knew this morning I needed to get out. The weather was awesome, the air clear and although I was a little slow it felt amazing!

Of course I have to include a picture of the youngest member of our family!

I'm off to shove my face full of delicious good food and then pass out into a coma!

Thanksgiving Rocks!

Blog on....

The Jig is Up.

Not really a Jig....but every time I thought of a title for this post all I could think of was the classic STYX song.  

Louis CK on divorce:

(Warning, funny foul language and brassy attitude)

"I’m divorced, so I’m single again after ten years of marriage. And—no.(crowd is awwwing).. Cut the shit! Don’t even start with that noise like a puppy died! Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. And this is important because some day one of your friends is gonna get divorced. It’s gonna happen. And they’re gonna tell you, don’t go “awww sorry.” That’s a stupid thing to say! It really is. First of all, you’re making them feel bad for being really happy, which isn’t fair. And second, let me explain something to you. Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. It’s really that simple. That’s never hap— that would be sad. If two people were married and they were really happy and they just had a great thing, and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times. Literally zero. Ray Charles has killed more jews than happy marriages have ended in divorce. So if your friend got divorced, it means things were bad and now they’re—I mean, they’re better. They’re not good, life is shit wall to wall. But they’re better, so you should be happy."

*********

It’s true.  My husband Matt and I are splitting. 

It’s sad of course, it was a difficult decision that we made together.  I have absolutely nothing but great things to say about Matt, but the issues we had as a couple were making us miserable despite counseling.

Matt and I have been married 3 ½ years.  This was my third marriage.  I think it’s pretty safe to say that I haven’t quite figured it out.  In other words Marriage is not my bag. 

Telling my kids was not as tough as I anticipated.  My daughter pretty much knew, I had confided in her, she lives with us and pays attention to what’s going on.  Surprisingly my kids felt bad for ME.  I hated telling my parents and I put it off as long as I could.  They are getting too old for this “crap”.  I tried to figure out a way I could just keep it from them forever, or until they became senile.  Unfortunately, at almost 80, they are both sharp as tacks and act like they are no older than 60.  They were surprised of course, but loving and supportive.

Because we are great friends, acquaintances or even family, when it comes to ending a marriage it really is the two main characters that have to live with it the most.  I also realized that those around me need to have their moment too.  They may need to ask questions or just be sad.  That’s ok.  It’s sad.  Both families and friends were great to each spouse. 

But, at this point I wish I had some horrible reason for the divorce.  It would be much easier if I was able to say that Matt did something awful, but he didn’t.  I can say that we have both thought about the split in excess, suffered over the decision and finally we just had to do something. 

I kept the issues we were having very private.  I didn’t want to complain about Matt.  I felt that if I complained then it was over for sure.  I talked to a few close friends and really only one friend was really privy to the way I felt about it.  Despite that even she was upset over the news.  Lots of my friends are upset over it.  I can’t even verbalize how grateful I am for the people that love me and support me. 

The reactions from different people have been interesting to say the least.  I think complaining about your husband to everyone childish and embarrassing.  We have both kept things private.  Maybe our children took it the best because they knew something was up and could feel the tension.  It’s interesting how some were very upset and then there was one email from someone that I still can’t decide if it was a “dig” at me, supportive or just bitchy.  I decided to ignore it. 

Besides the obvious sadness and pain, I’ll be adding on quite a financial responsibility.  Luckily I have a great job and a lot of running shoes that will get me by.

If I could only run.

Maybe it was the injury that forced me to stay put and face the problems that sparked that final conversation where we both knew that something had to be done.  No running away from my problems.  The last couple of weeks have also forced me to really face my own future and what have I got planned for my life.  I thought I was going to finish out my life traveling and enjoying the company of Matt, but now I need to paint a different picture.

SO, the news is out and all the questions that will be answered are here.

Matt will still be a part of my life.  We will share the dogs.  Both dogs love him dearly and would probably rather live with him then me, but he will have full access to them along with my kids.  He’s been a great example and friend to my children.  He has talked to all of them and offered a continued friendship with them, which I think they are taking him up on.  He’s a great listener and I even offered to let him have full custody (hehe).   I support their continued relationship and I know my children appreciate having him around.   

(I wrote this post just a few days before Matt actually moved out.  Since writing this post he has moved out and we are all adapting.  I wanted to write it when I was fresh and in the moment of telling people and talking it out.  It's been depressing and difficult but at the same time I think it has gone pretty smoothly with no animosity.)

Now it is onward and upward.  I'm watching a lot of Hoarders and Intervention to make me feel better.  Chocolate.  Chocolate is good.  

If you linked to this because you are my friend on Facebook, please do not comment on Facebook about it.  I welcome your thoughts and questions but please use private messages or comment on this blog.  I'm trying to avoid the whole drama queen.  I'm going to save that for something juicy!!

Blog on..........

I’ll take my milk in a saucer please…..

Sometimes I can be catty.  Although I never mean it to be malicious or hurtful, the word catty seems to be perfect.  I’m usually catty in my head or to a trusted friend.  Why does it feel good to hang out with a great friend and freely speak your mind about those around you? (sorry if you thought I was perfect, it's an easy mistake)

Today’s catty thought was in my head.  There was a lady in my TRX class that was talking to the instructor and complaining about the price of classes.  First of all, the rent was raised at our studio and secondly, the prices are not only fair but probably the cheapest in town.   In my head I said to the lady: “You are wearing a full Lululemon outfit so you obviously can afford something nice to wear, next time don’t buy the outfit and you can buy at least 5 classes……and your hair color and cut is crappy”

In my outside voice I said, “The classes are still a very good deal”

True. Personal. control.


This was too funny not to add!   Shake! Shake!  Shake!

Speaking of speaking our minds, I tend to speak mine (which is not to be confused with being catty).  In the last year I have had two experiences where speaking my mind led to a person/friend to just stop.  It’s hard to describe what they stop doing.  Stop interacting with me in a friendlier manner, is the best way to describe it.    Weird.  Because these people (2 of them) seemed to embrace and enjoy my more outspoken personality but then I said something they didn’t like and BOOM.  Or did I?  I have no idea exactly what happened. Shutdown.  There was no conversation. 

“HEY, we are having a confrontation here!” was a line I heard today on one of my audio books.  Perfect.  I feel like I am left standing alone, being robbed of the other half of the conversation.  I am perfectly happy to listen to someone tell me how they think it is or how I am wrong.  I can admit I am wrong.  I tend to talk before I can think and I've mastered the art of apology.

 

I don’t want to really talk about either of the people or the situations (I do and I have but not in this venue) because I know there is always 2 – 3 sides to a story.  I do know that I have been asked, “what happened?” and I am left with, “I have no idea!”  I guess if I've learned one thing from my perfectly loving parents is that it’s just not worth making a deal out of it and forgiveness is best. 

I will just skip along………….

On the bright side!  My TRX class was uber awesome and I had my butt handed to me by my instructor.  I did every exercise he wanted us to do and if you've ever taken a kick ass TRX class then you can appreciate what a success that is. 

I think my delt’s are even stronger!!

Plus I got to smell and smooch this little head tonight:

My niece:  Lisette.  Daughter of my brother Dave.  She is scrumptious.

Blog on……….

The Ragnar Experience

If you haven't run a relay then it is definitely worth trying.  All levels of runners can participate and it can be so much fun!  Saying that, I have seen teams that fall apart, bitching, moaning and attitudes that I don't understand.   So if you tend to enjoy meeting people, having fun and pushing yourself then you will LOVE this!

The team captain (not always the best job) puts together 12 people, including themselves that together can run a less then 11 minute/mile average.  There are two vans and for the entire race someone from each team is running.  

This was my fourth Ragnar Relay and I was pretty exciting to run in Napa.  I had ran here before when Matt and I were on vacation last year and I loved it.  Plus the race started in San Francisco and went across the Golden Gate bridge and that is breathtaking! 

Once we got into San Francisco and got the van parked, all the runners that were in town met for dinner.  Sean and Charene didn't know anyone and it was a great way to do introductions. 

We stayed at the Travelodge on Lombard overnight and started the race early in the am.  Van 2 joined Van 1 to see them off and see David work the crowd.  It was awesome!

 Steve played his accordion and sang a Ragnar song.  All of David's entourage wore pink wigs and sang along.  It was pretty great.

Check out this You Tube video that Ragnar put on their website of Steve singing and playing the accordion at the start line.

They also passed out these water bottles.

Steve was a great support and did some driving and all around organizing.

He was hilarious too!

START!

Coylette was our first runner and this was her first Ragnar.  The runners are sent out in waves by time.  We were the 730am wave.  

After she took off, we decorated a little, then Van 1 took off to the next exchange.  

Our van took a little longer, but we had a few hours before we had to be to exchange 6, where we would start our runner.

From there it was a chaos of runners.  Each runner ran three legs and we just kept going and going.  When we could we would get water for the runner or just drive by cheering.  

Van one at check in.

VAN 1 (thank you Charene for the pics!  Good job!)  They aren't in any order, but you get the idea, we do a lot of running and having fun

 Coylette

 Pass off Liz to Charene

 Anne and Sean shenanigans

 Anne to Sean handoff

 Sheanine making it look easy!

 We are the 12 deadly zins.  Boom.

 Over the bridge

 Sean passed to Jen J.  

VAN ONE!  The end.

VAN 2

I was there.  It was fun.  In no particular order - ish.

Nicole to Jen

 Ashley and Jen waiting for Nicole to pass off

 David to Jen J

It was usually Jen to David but on the last leg Jen J was having some GI issues, which is always a surprise to runners (not.) and David took her leg so she could "recover".

 My hand off to Nicole.  Look at that form!  I love this picture.  It's really hard to get a good hand off pic but JenQ did a great job.  

 Jen J to Ashley on the last leg.

Night time get up.  Safety first plus a little bling.  Head light, butt light and approved running night vest required!

Check out those socks.  Bam!

 Nicole coming in for an exchange to JenQ

 Jen Q is off!

Between our second and third leg we hung out in the parking lot waiting for Van 1 and napping.  Jen J, Jen Q and I of course wandered around trying to get into trouble.  The young gals slept in the van.  

The gold sparkly visor was a gift from David and Steve!  I love it! It says, BAM - I am your leader!

WORD

I was teased about my constant posting to social media.  I'm a social media whore.  I posted this in honor of JenJ and I posted it on ALL the social media I had my hands on.

Duck lips and all.  

Speaking of shameless hussy.  Be careful what you ask me to do.

More shenanigans.  Another picture of the guy that Jen wanted a picture of.  I did one up.  I asked for a picture WITH him and he was very gracious.  He was my race boyfriend, Ethan.  I broke up with him on the last leg for being so aloof and not staying in touch.  (teehee)

Unfortunately I didn't get a full Van 1 pic, but I did grab one at Trader Joe's later.

Two buck chuck!

FINISH LINE:

We ran a couple of hours later then projected time.  Heat has done that to my team twice.  I ran the hottest and longest leg and I understand that you can't keep the pace up in those conditions.  We kept in touch with Van 1 and they patiently waiting for us while sipping a little champagne and watching Sean spoon his Gold Medal.  He loves his gold medal.  The Gold Medal was a special medal given to the runners that finished SoCal and Napa.  Jen Q, Sean, Ashley and I all received one.

Chilling while waiting for the last runner.

 Yoga for stretching

Wondering if I'll be able to stand up now that I've sat.

Waiting for Jen at the finish.

JenQ running in!   yeah!!

 The finish line party!

Running in to the song, "Brick House".  It was awesome, we were dancing.

The team and the fans

The Team

Nom nom nom.  Love our double medals!!

Thank you to everyone on the team and everyone that helped our team.  All that work that seemed to take hours was totally worth it.  The experience was another success in running.  What great people I was surrounded by and I enjoyed it all!!  OK,  maybe not the hot part where I thought I was going to die, but the rest was AWESOME!!

Blog on.............