The Jig is Up.

Not really a Jig....but every time I thought of a title for this post all I could think of was the classic STYX song.  

Louis CK on divorce:

(Warning, funny foul language and brassy attitude)

"I’m divorced, so I’m single again after ten years of marriage. And—no.(crowd is awwwing).. Cut the shit! Don’t even start with that noise like a puppy died! Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. And this is important because some day one of your friends is gonna get divorced. It’s gonna happen. And they’re gonna tell you, don’t go “awww sorry.” That’s a stupid thing to say! It really is. First of all, you’re making them feel bad for being really happy, which isn’t fair. And second, let me explain something to you. Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. It’s really that simple. That’s never hap— that would be sad. If two people were married and they were really happy and they just had a great thing, and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times. Literally zero. Ray Charles has killed more jews than happy marriages have ended in divorce. So if your friend got divorced, it means things were bad and now they’re—I mean, they’re better. They’re not good, life is shit wall to wall. But they’re better, so you should be happy."

*********

It’s true.  My husband Matt and I are splitting. 

It’s sad of course, it was a difficult decision that we made together.  I have absolutely nothing but great things to say about Matt, but the issues we had as a couple were making us miserable despite counseling.

Matt and I have been married 3 ½ years.  This was my third marriage.  I think it’s pretty safe to say that I haven’t quite figured it out.  In other words Marriage is not my bag. 

Telling my kids was not as tough as I anticipated.  My daughter pretty much knew, I had confided in her, she lives with us and pays attention to what’s going on.  Surprisingly my kids felt bad for ME.  I hated telling my parents and I put it off as long as I could.  They are getting too old for this “crap”.  I tried to figure out a way I could just keep it from them forever, or until they became senile.  Unfortunately, at almost 80, they are both sharp as tacks and act like they are no older than 60.  They were surprised of course, but loving and supportive.

Because we are great friends, acquaintances or even family, when it comes to ending a marriage it really is the two main characters that have to live with it the most.  I also realized that those around me need to have their moment too.  They may need to ask questions or just be sad.  That’s ok.  It’s sad.  Both families and friends were great to each spouse. 

But, at this point I wish I had some horrible reason for the divorce.  It would be much easier if I was able to say that Matt did something awful, but he didn’t.  I can say that we have both thought about the split in excess, suffered over the decision and finally we just had to do something. 

I kept the issues we were having very private.  I didn’t want to complain about Matt.  I felt that if I complained then it was over for sure.  I talked to a few close friends and really only one friend was really privy to the way I felt about it.  Despite that even she was upset over the news.  Lots of my friends are upset over it.  I can’t even verbalize how grateful I am for the people that love me and support me. 

The reactions from different people have been interesting to say the least.  I think complaining about your husband to everyone childish and embarrassing.  We have both kept things private.  Maybe our children took it the best because they knew something was up and could feel the tension.  It’s interesting how some were very upset and then there was one email from someone that I still can’t decide if it was a “dig” at me, supportive or just bitchy.  I decided to ignore it. 

Besides the obvious sadness and pain, I’ll be adding on quite a financial responsibility.  Luckily I have a great job and a lot of running shoes that will get me by.

If I could only run.

Maybe it was the injury that forced me to stay put and face the problems that sparked that final conversation where we both knew that something had to be done.  No running away from my problems.  The last couple of weeks have also forced me to really face my own future and what have I got planned for my life.  I thought I was going to finish out my life traveling and enjoying the company of Matt, but now I need to paint a different picture.

SO, the news is out and all the questions that will be answered are here.

Matt will still be a part of my life.  We will share the dogs.  Both dogs love him dearly and would probably rather live with him then me, but he will have full access to them along with my kids.  He’s been a great example and friend to my children.  He has talked to all of them and offered a continued friendship with them, which I think they are taking him up on.  He’s a great listener and I even offered to let him have full custody (hehe).   I support their continued relationship and I know my children appreciate having him around.   

(I wrote this post just a few days before Matt actually moved out.  Since writing this post he has moved out and we are all adapting.  I wanted to write it when I was fresh and in the moment of telling people and talking it out.  It's been depressing and difficult but at the same time I think it has gone pretty smoothly with no animosity.)

Now it is onward and upward.  I'm watching a lot of Hoarders and Intervention to make me feel better.  Chocolate.  Chocolate is good.  

If you linked to this because you are my friend on Facebook, please do not comment on Facebook about it.  I welcome your thoughts and questions but please use private messages or comment on this blog.  I'm trying to avoid the whole drama queen.  I'm going to save that for something juicy!!

Blog on..........