Friday, September 23, 2011

Is the past ever JUST the past???

I know there are many naysayers of Facebook.  "a silly social network and it's nobodies business what I am up to"  Others seem to be proud when they state they aren't on Facebook and never will be.  Like it's some kind of higher road that they are on looking down on you.  I think some are just fearful of it and some just don't care while some don't want to take the time.  I'm lucky, I have a handy dandy laptop that I can be on anywhere and log on and see whats happenin!

The reason I bring up Facebook is because it has given me the opportunity to reconnect with so many old friends and get closer to some family!  My cousins that I would never really get to see or talk to because of distance and life, I can keep up with them here and we can be friends and communicate.  I love it!  It's warm and fuzzy to be able to keep up with family that is so distant.  I am so proud of my cousins and love being in their life, even if it is on a social network.  

Friends.  I can hardly think of a friend I haven't found or hasn't found me.  There hasn't been one bad experience with weirdo's or stalkers.  If I don't know someone who wants to be my friend, then they can't be my friend. If you aren't my friend you can't see much of my profile.  

Last July I received a message from a man that I haven't seen since 1984.  I don't share this with many people, and now I'm sharing with anyone that wants to read this, but when I was 19 I was briefly married for 6 months.  We were young, it didn't work out, no harm no foul.  Of course at the time I was very sad, but I got over it and moved on.  I don't hide the fact I was married, but I don't really feel the need to bring it up either.  Of course Matt knew and I've told my kids.  Well, last July that man I was married to sent me a message.  His name is Rob and I was thrilled to hear from him.  Sure I was heartbroken at the time but it's been 27 years and at this point I was curious to how his life turned out.  Turns out he's a big smarty pants and although his life has had challenges, as has mine, we are both doing just fine.  He is married and happy and so am I .  He has kids, I have was great to catch up!  We sent a few letters back and forth and then just remained friends on Facebook.  I showed Matt and my kids his picture..which was funny because when I was going through all the boxes in the basement I found our old wedding invitations!!  Hahaha. My kids got a kick out of those too.

Last night was my very last night in the hospital as a bedside nurse.  I was in the ER and I was training another RN and so I was sorta bored, trying to find things to do.  Around 4ish a trauma came in and it was a young man who they think shot himself in the head.  I was in the room, but not really doing much.  Just hanging out in case they needed something and trying to stay out of the way.  I remember the crisis worker picked up his pants and was able to find his phone (what did they do before cellphones???) and wallet and was trying to get the information to call his family.  She mentioned his name.  It was familiar, but that happens all the time.  I was curious, but not certain.  About 15 minutes later the crisis worker was talking about how she could only get a hold of a grandmother and not his parents.  I read the crisis note and my heart SUNK!  I knew the name of Rob's ex-wife and mother of his kids.  This kid had Rob's last name.  It was Rob's son.  My heart just sunk.  I went into the crisis worker and told her.  We looked him up (on facebook) and then looked at a couple of other websites to try and find a number.  She found one and I was there when she called him.  I can't even tell you how that felt.  Knowing that his life was going to change forever.  It certainly puts a different twist on it when you actually know the family.  

After that I ran up to the SICU to take a look at the patients face and sure enough, his chin and mouth was exactly like his dad's.  It was a non survivable head injury and they were stabilizing him for the family to see him and he was also a donor on his drivers license.  I went back downstairs because I didn't know what to do.  I hadn't seen Rob in so many years and even though we reconnected, I didn't want to intrude on such a personal family tragedy.  I wanted to tell him I was so sorry!  Later another crisis worker came and told me they wanted me up there.  

I barely made it up the stairs.  I was ready to cry and faint all at the same time.  When I opened the stairway door there was Rob.  He was so heartbroken.  I gave him a hug and we talked for a minute.  Later I met his wife.  It was so surreal.  Like time had never passed but yet we were adults now.  We had kids the same age.  His son that died was Jake's age.  After I met his wife and turned back to go in the unit I lost it.  Then a sweet nurse brought me tissue and talked to me for a minute.  (sad, I didn't know her and she was working in my unit)  Later I conversed with crisis for a bit and she was very supportive and helpful.  

I watched every parents nightmare happen.  I am just heartsick for Rob and his family.

To my parents, family and friends that were in my life when that marriage took place and ended, I am happy to report that Rob grew up pretty awesome.  He's an analyst at IHC, witty as ever, great writer, still handsome and a great parent and husband.  Goes to show that you really never know who you are marrying and divorcing because time can change everything!  

So hugs your kids today.  You do the best you can as a parent but in the end they are making their own choices.  I love my kids no matter what!  Nothing is better then a hug and "I love you mom" from any of them. I am sorry that Rob's son made that choice and hope those left behind find peace.

So if you are keeping track of my posts, then you will realize that I found the article about my sisters grandkids on my last day of bedside nursing at the U and then watched as my first ex-husband lost his son.  That wasn't all for my day.   After my shift I couldn't find Rob so I went to the bookstore to order my flightsuit (little yeah) and then my old friend Mic called me.  I went home and had a shower and went to breakfast with him.  Matt was in phoenix and nothing feels better after a shitty night then coffee talk with an old friend.  Thanks Mic!  You were just what I needed this morning!  Be safe on the road my friend!

That is my last 24 hours.  It's almost like EVERYTHING is changing.  I'm not nervous, but I'm sad, scared and excited.  I can't stop thinking about the sad things that have gone on in the last day but then I get all excited about my new job.  Hopefully things will settle down a bit in the next week.  I've been teary, but then about 1130 tonight it all broke loose and I had a great cry.  Love those.  My eyes are swollen.  I have an overwhelming gratefulness for my friends, my wonderful husband, my kids and of all the great people that I have known over my lifetime.  

How did I get so lucky??

Blog on.............

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