Sunday, March 20, 2011


This morning my kids and I were having a conversation.  Well, Sami and Daniel and I were having one.  It all started when Daniel saw some vintage clothing I was looking at on Etsy.  He asked me if I would wear this 100% silk beaded dress from the 80's.  When I told him his granny wore that same dress only in peach to my wedding to his dad it started a long conversation. It was about death and memories.  Their granny died in 2000 and Daniel was only 5, Sami was only 7.  Unfortunately they don't have many memories of her and that makes me sad.  When I remind them of some things they will say, "oh I remember that".  The only really vivid memory Daniel has is when he visited her and she was sick in bed.  

My memories are full and awesome!!  I knew Lynne for 15 years and up until she became really sick she treated me with love and respect.  Bill and I had been apart about 2 years when she died and she was sick in the hospital for the last year.  That first year we separated, when everyone was taking sides and making judgements, she just treated me like nothing had happened.  She was kind and loving and her grandchildren were number one!  Period.  She worried about what schools they went too, if they were sick, who was taking care of them.  But not in a pushy way.  I remember I enrolled my kids in the school by her, which was a school district away from the one I lived in, but only about a mile away from where I lived.  Soon after the kids started school she became sick.  I never minded all the paperwork and bus schedules and after school care, driving the kids around because they were in that school.  Well, I can't say it wasn't hard and stressful, but I can say I didn't regret it.  I kept all the kids in that elementary school and when I moved from my duplex I found a house within it's boundaries.  In some ways it was because of Lynne.  She worried about the kids when we divorced.  Her life had it's bumps in the road and she spent a lot of time being the only parent to her boys.  She knew how hard it was.  

Being able to tell my kids how much their granny loved him is so soothing to us all.  When my sister died I was angry and sad, but I could accept her death because she suffered so much.  When it comes to Lynne I am still mad.  If that is the right word.  Of all the people in my life that could have made the biggest impact on my kids It was her.  When I was having trouble with Austin in his teens, I missed her so much and knew that his pain from loosing her was more then I could ever imagine.  He was super close to her and to this day I can see his eye's smile when he talks about her and then turn sad.  

So today my kids and I talked about the things that we have that no one can take away.  That is the memories we have with each other.  When Lynne died I wasn't able to go see her or be involved in any way.  Bill's dad was not as open to having me around and to this day I don't think I have seen him but once and he has never talked to me.  The one thing I was able to do was go to the funeral.  I took my kids and I wasn't going to just drop them off.  I tried to stay close to them and yet tried not to upset anyone.  The one thing that no one can take away from me is memories. I may not have any special item of hers, but that's OK.   It's OK if Bill's new wife gets anything from her, because she has no memories and those are more precious then any THING. 

My sister died and my mom and dad and all her brothers, me and my sister all got together the day she went on hospice.  Dropped everything and were there.  No ifs ands or buts.  I love that about my family.  We made a calendar.  Someone would be there 24/7.  I took a leave of absence in my senior year of nursing school and my school was very accommodating.  Her kids were young.  They were only 14, 17 and 20something.  I can't really repeat what she said about some of her kids because if they got word of it they would probably try and sue me or something.  But let's just say that her 14 year old son was the only one that appeared to really care.  He didn't care about what she would inherit or what he would get when she died.  He just loved her.  A lot.  

So my sister died after 6 days on hospice and my dad and mom (who had taken care of her for years!) started meeting with funeral homes and putting the funeral together.  It was beautiful.  We included her kids to the maximum that they wanted to be included.  We even included their dad because they wanted him there, but that is a WHOLE other post.  Within days of her dying they were clearing out her stuff and waiting for her big inheritance.  They became angry when told there wasn't one and next thing you know they were not talking to anyone in my family and threatening lawsuits, etc.  So, they held a garage sale.  They sold all of  my sisters stuff that they could.  They did not invite my parents, they did not care.  After that we were welcome to go and see if there was anything we wanted that they could not sell.  I picked up some cushions that we used when we would sleep on the floor by her bed.  I love those cushions.  I wish I could give them up.  I just remember once LeAnn made a weird sound and both my brother Brad and I popped up to check out if she was OK.  I still remember seeing my brothers face across her bed. Now THAT is a memory.  It makes me smile and cry at the same time.

The memories I have with my sister are forever mine.  That last week I spent there taking care of her.  I was there almost all the time.  The last sister to sister conversation we had on her bed.  The priceless advice she gave me.  Her opinion on the way she wanted her funeral and "stuff" handled.  It's all mine baby!  No matter what her kids or anyone else tries to alienate from me they can't take that.  If they don't want to be a part of our family then they are missing a family that would never turn their back on anyone, no matter what they did.  I hope they can languish in that money they made at her garage sale.  Because money doesn't buy happiness, ever. 

Long post for some disjointed and emotional thoughts.  
I think it's good to write it out sometimes.  Someday I will do a post..."Satan: he roams the earth" that will be about my sisters ex husband.  I don't even care if he finds it and reads it because it will be all truths.  
The day after she died I went to meet the hospice nurse to return all the stuff and we wasted all the narcotics etc together.  I also gathered up some stuff that we thought important.  I also ran across ALL the letters Satan wrote to my sister.  Unfortunately my sister had a "pleaser" personality and would just file them and be upset by them.  I would have gotten a restraining order.  He was a mean, heartless SOB.

Ok, I'm turning a beautiful post into a hate post and I don't want to do that!

To the memories!  May they be bad, good or indifferent!  To those we lose too early..let us never forget what no one can take away from us!


Blog on.............

No comments:

Post a Comment