Last Thursday, I actually had a moment at work that I wasn't running like crazy. Both my patients were in the OR and I had updated my "education folder". I grabbed a coffee and started checking my email. Next thing you know, I had written an email to myself. It certainly is rambling, a little disjointed and a smidge repetitive. But, it's my blog and my 8-10 followers can skip by this part if they wish....
The way I see it, #76.
From my Sugar-free Skinny Vanilla Grande Latte:
"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life"
Read this on my latte today and thought it to be SO true. When I make a decision - a final commitment, it takes any more thought out of it. I usually research something to death and then spend time to find the right deal. It took me over a year to buy my last car, mostly because I couldn't decide which one would be the best for me and the best deal. When I agreed to marry Matt, or even before, when we were discussing it, I had LOTS and LOTS of "rational" thoughts. Would I change my name? Pre-nup? Move in my house or buy a new one? blah blah blah. Finally one day I just decided - this is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't IMAGINE that there is another person that even comes close to what I need or want. I am jumping in with both feet and giving it my all and that is that! Changing my name, he's moved into my house and frankly it is more wonderful then I ever thought it would be! I don't have to think about it ever again! Being single for 10 years and I was use to always looking, always thinking..always. AND..believe it or not (what they portrayed on Sex on the City is true) men and their women treat you differently if you are single, available and attractive. It's almost like they are sure you want your man. ESPECIALLY in Lehi. So often at work I would sense that the resident, doctor or nurse thought I was flirting with them. OK, it may have happened a couple of times, but really - it would get SO aggravating and almost offensive. I haven't had any need or desire to be with someone that was already with someone else, EW! There was at least one, I swear - he looked at me like I was stalking him and I really didn't think of him in that way at all. I want to shake him and say....NEVER!
But, I digress......Having my beautiful princess diamond on every day is so relaxing. It's a Matt reminder and I think about how great he is every time I see it and even when I don't. I get treated like a person, I can be nice and men don't think I'm flirting. Ahhhh. Don't get me wrong - I will look. I can even "talk" with the guys. People have learned, if they think they can shock me - that is very rare. Usually I find something to say that is much more gross and downright disgusting. I have no idea why I have pride in that, I just love that I can see the twisted in everything. It's common around our type of people (nurses especially).
So now I live in peace, knowing that I have the catch of all catches!
Also, when I have been talking to my kids about drugs, sex, everything...I try to let them know - make the decision NOW!! That way you don't have to think about it later. Or at least it will give you cause to pause and think rationally. The only good thing that happened to me at BYU was a pact I made with a roommate. We would never try hard drugs. Of course we had defined hard drugs and I stuck with that. So far, I haven't even thought about it. I have seen it all. I have watched all sorts of mixing and snorting. I don’t' judge, I just don't want. The funny thing about it, there was never a discussion. They didn't offer, I didn't ask and everyone was happy. I never verbalized my decision, I just did it - and I think other people could tell. Possibly from my utter disinterest.
With nursing, they scared the crap out of me in nursing school about narcotic abuse blah blah blah. It reminded me of when I was a teller. ALL that money, people would say. What money? OH that dirty crap we have to handle all day long. So now, I've been a nurse for almost 6 years and narcotics are the same. Of course I have to be super careful about charting, wasting etc - because of those that couldn't resist - but it's a no-brainer. The fentanyl hookah does not exist..... It doesn't hurt that I see what years of PRESCRIBED narcotic abuse can do to you. It's bad, very bad. Say no to narcotics....
That's my thoughts. I am actually at work, and my patient is in the OR. It's kind of slow today and my butt got KICKED yesterday so I was taking a moment - and it turned into an email to myself.