Thursday, December 12, 2013

Why can’t I be mad? Part 3


Disclaimer:  These are my feelings and reactions to my ex-husbands gender identity issues.  These are mine and I own them.  They are not right or wrong but they are truthful. 

Final wrap up.

The last almost 6 weeks have been close to unbearable at times.  I’m hoping that now my ex has gone public and I have revealed my side of the pain that I can move on. 

I've learned so much in a month.  I have done so much research in trying to understand gender identity issues and their struggles.  I know that it would be a difficult thing at best to admit.  I know that my ex was very fearful of losing everything that he had.  I don’t wish him any ill will.  I know that his family and friends love him dearly and will stand by him.  

On that note, I still have my boundaries nice and tight.  It gets me though the day.  I found ZERO information or help for spouses or ex-spouses of a transgender.  Understanding it didn't change the way I felt about Matt.  I feel like he was the worst mistake I have ever made and it lasted almost 6 years.  Some may be distracted by his struggle, but I don’t think that your personal struggles give you an excuse to drag others in and hurt them.  Luckily I bowed out of the marriage, stuck with my gut and my heart and made the right decision.

I've lost a longtime friend in the process.  Unfortunately for me, my friend chose to support my ex through his big reveal without so much as a phone call to me.   In essence, supporting my ex means he supports how I was treated.  He didn't feel like he had to choose sides when I divorced Matt.  But in essence he did. He also tried to talk my daughter into not standing by her mom.  

With me spilling my guts in this blog and the big reveal over I feel so much more at peace and ready to move on!  Life isn't going to wait for me to cry “in ma big pilla”.  If you have read this and supported me in any way I thank you very much.  Even the small words/acts of kindness have carried me though every day.  With every tear I have had wonderful friends make me smile and laugh.  I do not know why I was so affected by this announcement but I was true to my feelings, let myself be sad and tried my best to keep the sanity. 

A word about the Transgender:

I have watched a few episodes of a series I bought off Amazon called, “Sex Change Hospital”.  It was good to put real faces on the struggle of gender identity and hear their stories.  I found many of them very touching.  The one I think about the most is a male to female trans person who finally got the big surgery.  She talked about her struggle and feelings and how she never felt that with those feelings she could involve another person that could get hurt.  A lot of transgender men and women marry and have children and try to ignore it.  I still believe that people should be who they are without judgment.  I would wish that society would continue to be more accepting of that.  It would make the world a safer place for all and those that have those “different” feelings would not be forced (because of their fear of rejection) to do what society thinks they should do in order to be accepted.    

That said I can now get back to the best things in my life….

It will be memorable...yes, it will!

Part 1

Part 2

Blog on................


  1. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger! I'm amazed how you handle the situation, very proud of you!!

    1. Thank you! It wasn't easy but completely worth it,

  2. So mad at him for choosing Matt/Mary without even talking to you. to throw away a friendship over a decade long is insane!

  3. You're still that girl who was my bestest friend in high school. Strong, funny, and true to herself. Love you Kathee.

  4. wow. holy shit. you are one brave, awesome incredible woman. Can I say I love you and I am so glad we share the FAB name? seriously. This serious of 3 posts ... which I randomly read what well over a year since you wrote is AMAZING and raw and shitty and awful and shows the kind of person you are. Strong, Funny, irreverent. My kind of peep. Stay strong!!

    1. Thank you! A year later it's still so stupidly aggravating!! I'll get through it and one day I won't even think about it!

    2. I can totally relate. Not the transgender part but the lying fucker part. I have never blogged about my pain. Or the immense hurt over the lying deceitfulness. And the inability to breathe at times. But that fucker still reads my blog. Maybe that is why I should. Then again. Just trying to move on. Hold my head up high and not scream out loud when I hear what a great guy he is. One day. I wont ever think about. oh ! A girl can dream